This week in OH MY SWEET TAPDANCING CHRIST: "Inside"
Those of you who have been with us for a while know that it takes more than a little red stuff or a dead toddler or some simple cannibalism to faze Uncle Buzz. I've sat through tasteless killer lesbians, pretentious predatory gay rednecks, man-eating pigs, and more Lynda Day George than any man should have to suffer, and come out the other end right as rain.
So imagine my delight when I finally came across a movie that genuinely made my jaw drop: The French "reluctant abortion" splatter thriller Inside (Le Interieur, or some shit).
As Roz would say, "Holy mairde."
The film stars Alysson Paradis (the sister-in-law of Johnny Depp) as Sarah, a woman on the eve of giving birth who is stalked by a crazy lady who wants the baby for herself, and is more than happy to cut it out a day early. Sarah begins the film bloodied from a car crash that takes her husband's life, and doesn't seem to really care about anything, including her unborn child. But as the night progresses and the bodies pile up (and my oh my do they pile up...), she begins to fight back like nobody's business. But the stranger (Beatrice Dalle, who has scared the living fuck out of me ever since she ate that teenaged boy alive in Trouble Every Day) is one tough baby-hungry bitch, and she's not going to go down easy.
Will Sarah and her child live through the night? You'll have to watch to see. But be warned - and seriously, I'm saying this from considerable experience - it is some of the bloodiest, most crazy shit I have ever seen. Imagine Dead Alive, but played straight during childbirth. For reals. If you have a weak stomach or are easily offended by some seriously uncomfortable tension, do not seek this one out. But if you're ready to have your nuts pulled up into your guts for 82 minutes, this is the ticket.
Note that the directors, Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, have been tapped by Alpha Horror Gay Clive Barker himself to direct the Hellraiser remake, so you can just imagine how visceral and gooey this shit is.
Oh ... and did I mention it's a Christmas movie? Season's greetings!