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CampBlood Homo Horror Features: So Readable They Hurt

 

Calendar Girl Murders   1984

Sharon Stone, Tom Skerritt, Robert Culp, Robert Beltran
If you have a fetish for cardigan sweaters may I suggest giving this puppy a spin? Strangely, this lurid Movie of the Week, which revels in the murders of voluptuous Playmate type models, you know the kind - they dance in red lycra pants holding giant water hoses (and that scene is in here folks) decided to depict the hero played by mustached sexpot Tom Skerritt as Mr. Rogers with an attitude. To make sweater heaven a bit racier, they threw Sharon Stone into the pot and shook it hard.

Stone plays ex model/current stockbroker and all-around-temptress Cassie Bascomb. When she wants men to think she’s smart she throws on a pair of glasses (ed: HOT!), when she wants them to think she’s dumb, she speaks. Cassie may have the key to a killer who’s been offing various models based on the month they appear in a spicy Playboy like calendar. Enter Lt. Dan Stoner (Skerritt), who gets called Stoner so many times you believe he is. At various moments, donned in comfy cardigans, Stoner chases an assortment of suspects and does his best to keep Cassie a platonic friend. Compelling cinema, no? Well no, actually; however, the cheese factor runs high here. Besides featuring a middle aged hero, Alan Thicke shows up as a, gulp, sexy photographer, not to mention the really big 80s hair and scenes shot with a hazy helping of Vaseline smothered over the camera lens. The DVD menu for this recently released trash-a-thon features the title Calender Girl Murders! It was worth the purchase for that alone.

Review by Amanda By Night

Rating (out of 5):