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Shannon Lucio, Justin Baldoni, Riley Smith, Kathy Baker, Bryan Brown
Two guys, a girl and a tiger shark.

I can hear the pitchman to CBS right now, “If it’s got Jell-O wrestling, they will watch”.

And watch we did. A throwback to the Movie of the Week of yesteryear, Spring Break Shark Attack dives into the deliciously deep waters of tacky and find a treasure trove just begging to be opened. Full of all the exploitable elements a movie of this ilk needs to survive (including the slumming used-to-be A listers, Brown and Baker who put in, like, a whole days work), and all while still catering to the network censors! It’s as if someone is finally respecting MOTWs like The Beasts are on the Street and Maneater!

A group of fun loving students descend upon Florida (by way of South Africa) to spend a week communing with a keg (and apparently Jell-O). Our hero, Danielle (Shannon Lucio), who lied to her parents about where she was vacationing (which leads to one of the most superfluous subplots since the karate instructor in Pieces), is also hoping to spend some serious time using her legs to test the wind direction. She has her choice of beaus, the greased up Harlequin model wannabe, T.J. (a greasy but admittedly sexy Justin Baldoni) and Shane (Riley Smith), a local hipster type who hates the spring break lifestyle (gee, he sounds like tons of fun). But as each party gets her closer to her rebellious love interest (much to the chagrin of T.J., who attempts to slip her a roofie to show his affections), a school of Tiger Sharks are slowly making their way up the reef to the next O.C. casting call…

Spring Break Shark Attack has been a long time coming, folks. Not only is the title genius, but there’s something so refreshing about a movie that just doesn’t care. It screams, “Look at the boobies. Now look at the sharkies.” (ed: sounds like Tintorera! Yum!) Not wanting to deny the other demographics (i.e. screaming teenage girls and screaming adult boys), there’s plenty of tanned up testosterone to keep you girly-men happy. And there’s a nice bit of mass shark attacking to please all of us! Thank you CBS!

Recap by Amanda By Night