Blood Work! “True Blood” vlog 3.11: WHERE’S MY F*CKING WHISKEY!??!

In one of our most ill-advised moves to date, Andy and I take a tip from rapidly unspooling shapeshifter barman Sam Merlotte and decide to get completely wasted before recording this week’s True Blood recap. SPOILER: One of us an angry drunk, but the other one is a cuddler!

Anyway, this week’s True Blood was all about being drunk on something, be it Jack Daniels, Patron, “V”, or Sookie. So please allow us this little foray into the 100-Proof Wood. Somehow we still manage to cover the hot topics – Bill & Eric’s alliance! Arlene’s no-bortion! Jesus‘ “oh! face”! – but lose a lot of dignity (and brain cells) along the way.

Enjoy below!

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Bits & Pieces: “Shark Night 3D”, Bill Compton’s Cocksock, and more!

Remember the last time we had 3D sharks? (From Jaws 3D)

Here’s a selection of newsworthy items for you horror nuts…

• A movie called Shark Night 3D (also referred to as  “Shark Knight 3D” elsewhere in the same article) begins shooting later this month, starring the gay ghosthunter kid from Supernatural (Dustin Milligan), the rape-ee from Last House on the Left (Sara Paxton, who should apparently avoid lake houses from now on) and some chick from American Idol. Coming from the guy who did The Final Destination, which only sucked in two of its three dimensions. So it’s got that going for it.
• After James Fucking Cameron (Avatar = SNOOZE) dissed Piranha 3D and other “bad 3D horror films from the ’70s and ’80s, like Friday the 13th 3D“, one of Piranha’s producers shot back with a missive that is at the same time brilliant, hilarious, and – like everything else to come out of Hollywood – more or less full of shit.

“Cocksock for charity”. LOVES.

• Bids for Bill Compton’s “cock sock” are up to $655 (all proceeds go to charity). Come on – are your kids’ college funds really not worth a piece of fabric that may or may not have cradled the junk of Stephen Moyer? Let’s get it up to $2000, at least!
• Speaking of the sexy undead, True Blood’s Kristin Bauer (Pam) looked GORGE at the Emmys and spilled some dirt about what Pam will be kicking in the season finale.

Danny Strong as Jonathan

• Hey, does anyone watch Mad Men? So is it true that Jonathan from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Danny Strong) appeared this week to have a disastrous job interview with Don Draper? Either way, this recap of the episode is way more entertaining than the show could ever be, I’m convinced.

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“Slumber Party Massacre” Complete Collection … With a Bloody Pillowcase!

This is pretty sweet: First, the Slumber Party Massacre trilogy – one of the gayest franchises out there, seeing as how it was created by out lesbian writer Rita Mae Brown – is getting the deluxe collection release treatment.

But even better, the first lucky folks to buy the set get a bloody awesome free gift: A bloody pillowcase!

GENIUS.

Now, if only it came with a lesbian basketball coach, a pair of nelly boyfriends and a handyman named Pam, it’d be PERFECT!

Here’s a high-quality trailer for the original classic. But be warned: There’s BOOBIES!

Check out the official website for promotion details.

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Review: “The Last Exorcism” (2010)

The devil is all the rage right now for the cool kids. The mainstream kids have their vampires, the nerds have their zombies, but we – the cool kids – have the devil himself. He and his minions have been quite prolific lately: we’ve seen them in action in Drag Me to Hell as the Lamia, we’ve seen them stalking our friends Micah and Katie in Paranormal Activity, and we’ve seen them in their 1980s glory in The House of the Devil.

The latest entry into the series is cool kid Eli Roth’s baby, The Last Exorcism. The film is a movie that will make a lot of viewers really, really, really angry and some pretty pleased. Let’s face it: it’s a middle-of-the-road devil movie trying to capitalize on trends. Instead of bringing new life to the sub-genre, Exorcism may instead reveal that it is inherently flawed: how many new narrative twists can there really be in a movie about the devil?

Not very many.

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First Bite: “True Blood” 3.11: “I don’t know if God’s on board for this”

Carrie Preston as Arlene Fowler

Last night’s True Blood was a whirlwind of babymommadrama, V comedowns, and vampire political intrigue. Plus, Sookie got treated like a rented blood bag.

Our full Blood Work! video recap will be up later this week, but for now let’s talk highlights, shall we?

Some of my favorite moments, after the jump…
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