“Bates Motel”: Let’s CrowdWTF the New Posters, Shall We?

First off, hi.

Remember me?

I’m the shit that used to run this bustling, vibrant slice of blood-splattered paradise before I left it behind like Kirk Cameron. While I’m sure a formal mea culpa (or at least Mia Kirshner) is on the way, allow me to slip a tiny apology for my months-long hiatus into what was otherwise meant to be a brief intro to a group disco of the hot mess that is the new Bates Motel ad campaign.

So! Enough about me – let’s talk about The New Norman.

Bates Motel tells the story of Kathy Bates‘s wacky experiences as she tries to open a small SoCal B&B while also starring in the imaginary television show Harry’s Law. At least, in MY mind that’s what it’s about.

In reality, Bates tells the heretofore untold story – assuming you haven’t seen Psycho IV: The Beginning, that is – story of Norman Bates, who ran a motel, killed his mother, ran a motel again, killed his mother again, hooked up with a nun on the run, and then spent his twilight years harassing CCH Pounder on the telephone. (It’s all true.)

Mike Vogel. Rawr.

No idea if CCH Pounder is involved here, but otherwise the stage is finally set for a Psycho prequel that doesn’t involve Henry Thomas or Olivia Hussey. This time around, Norman is played by Freddie “Don’t Charlie My Chocolate Factory” Highmore, and Norma – yes, Norman’s mom’s name was Norma – is played by Vera “Don’t Orphan My Joshua” Farmiga. Rounding out the cast are a bunch of people I’ve never heard of and Mike Vogel, who had damn well take his shirt off at least once. Rawr.

Oh – and Max Thieriot, who was in the fucking godawful House at the End of the Street (spoiler alert: THE HOUSE WASN’T EVEN AT THE END OF THE STREET) but is too pretty to blame for it:

First, I’m totally not on board the idea that the show is clearly not set in the 1960s. What the what?! What is Psycho without old-timey bras, massive American cars, and detectives cracking wise about aspic? Just look at how stupid Mrs. Bates looks in front of a fucking Acura:

Shit ain’t right.

Anyway, A&E released a set of teaser videos and related posters for the show, and they are…. odd. They’re clearly going for an artsy vibe, which I’m cool with – but are you ready for a Psycho mythology that involves pot farming? Let’s hope that Norman checks in Nancy Botwin from Weedsand she don’t check out.

What do you think, eh? Any guesses as to what the hell is going on here?

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About Buzz

Buzz created CampBlood.org in 2003 to meet a need for a safe place for weirdos of all stripes to discuss horror movies from a queer perspective. Now that the campers have overtaken the Camp staff and locked them in the Arts & Crafts cabin he is questioning that decision.