Can bedbugs swim?
I have a problem, kids. See, I’ve actually been secretly looking forward to the release of Piranha 3-D like some people look forward to the next Harry Potter book. It just looks so wonderfully awful – gore, bad jokes, tons of idiotic Spring Break teens, Henry from Party Down and of course The Shue. Plus, it totally reminds me of that scene from Muppets Take Manhattan where that freaky guy throws boomerang fish at a 3-D killer fish movie screening and everybody spazzes out.
“Are we having fun yet?”
I was banking on the fact that it might be this summer’s Orphan or even – dare I say it – this year’s Deep Blue Sea.
And now my anticipation has been transformed into the worst set of gorehound blueballs I’ve had since they yanked Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 from wide release after running those AMAZING “Lady of the Lake” commercials for it on TV back in 1986.
Folks, I watch a lot of horror movies. And to be frank, very few of them actually frighten me. Bring on the guts and the psychos and the nasty critters – I’m in it for the ride, not the fear.
But you know what does scare me? Bedfuckingbugs.
In case you didn’t know it, New York City is in the midst of a bedbug crisis. They’re popping up everywhere. I have 4 close friends – all of whom live in completely different parts of the city – who have had them. The only thing that these people have in common is that the experience nearly RUINED THEIR LIVES.
And now a movie theater in which I have clocked countless hours – seriously, we’re talking in the hundreds, here – closed this week to spray for an infestation. SHIVERSHIVEROMGI’MGONNABARF. And reports are saying that there have been bedbug movie theater incidents reported around the city for months now.
So here’s my quandary: Is seeing what is reportedly the awesomest horror movie of the summer worth the risk of a potential parasitic infestation that might drive me into the nuthouse? It’s not like the cost of a movie ticket isn’t high enough as it is!
And also, someone should totally make Bedbugs 3-D. That shit would keep me awake nights.
It’s only worth if we can feed those bedbugs to the Pirahna(s). :::evil grin::::
buzz. two words: elizabeth shue. bedbugs be damned.
I have canceled vacations because of my fear of bedbugs; I know, I’m a wuss but I’m a wuss that sleeps with humans and canines – not bedbugs!
I just noticed your avatar.
[mouth opens, but no words come out]
Don’t worry, Derek! I only stalk you on the internet
I’d go see this movie even if I had to see it floating in a pool filled with piranha fish. Wrap your ass in foil and plastic wrap and get in line now!
Hambone! We’ve missed you
It’s awesome! There has never been a film that celebrates the genius of 3D double d boobs like Pirahna 3D! Seriously, it’s boobalicious! Oh, and for those of us who don’t do boobs in real life then a pirahna gorging on a c*ck is simply delicious!
Highly recommended!!!!!!
We went to see it tonight and, unfortunately, I wouldn’t rate it as the awesomest horror movie of the summer by a long stretch. This has become sort of a tradition for me and my partner. Last year we saw My Bloody Valentine 3D for VD; we saw The Final Destination 3D for my BD last year, and now we went to see this one with my BD coming up next weekend. This one was not anywhere as campy as either of the other two; there weren’t enough laughs or man-flesh, although some of the gore was passable…but just. Not anywhere near being worth the $13.75 ticket price. So I’d avoid the bedbugs if I were you.
I actually cackled during this movie a couple of times. The piranha are the hero (besides the Shue). Why she had such stupid stupid children is beyond me. The one Girl Gone Wild Girl is way more likable than the bitchiest of bitchy “love interest”. So tacky. LOVED IT!
Sadly i cant agree, The movie wasn’t scary and very short, and boring, the movie is not wroth anything. and i would burn that movie theater to ground if it has bed bugs, those bugs give me the creeps.