With the holidays upon us and 2K11 starring us down, we must pause to figure out what exactly to get our friends, family members, enemies, crushes, neighbors, pets, etc., etc., etc. Halfway through the month, stores are swamped and the Internet can be overwhelming. To whom can you turn for advice?
Your pals here at CampBlood have done all the dirty work and have picked some *hot* gift items for everyone in your life! We’ve swept through stores and scoured the Internet to find unique delights that may make for perfect gifts – or may just make you drool a little and buy something for yourself.
We’ve previously given you Victorian Vampire and Zombie Mouse t-shirts, designer axes, and real piglet piggy banks, but in the spirit of the holidays, we wanted to give you more! Broken down by giftee, please enjoy our horror inspired holiday gift guide – and feel free to throw in your own recommendations as well!
FOR YOUR ALTERNATIVE AND ANGSTY FRESHMAN-IN-COLLEGE NEPHEW WHO DABBLES IN WITCHCRAFT: The Speakal iBoo
We all have that “too cool for school” budding young adult in our life that only pretends to enjoy being around us. Instead of giving him a bag of coal or a Duraflame log to burn him, try this: the iBoo is a cute little speaker system made out to look like a ghost. It comes in blue, red, and – the best – white. Not only is this good for your iPod, but you can hook it up to video game systems, televisions, and CD players (if you are feeling ironic). Priced at $89.99, this is probably more than you want to spend on that little brat but – hey – it’s cute!
FOR SOMEONE YOU HOPE TO BE ATTACKED BY THEIR GIFT BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL: World’s Largest Gummy Worm
I have to admit: these things are so fucking gross. They really do resemble giant earthworms and I would be super concerned that these little buggers would become animated at midnight, crawl inside of you, and inflate your daily caloric intake by three thousand percent. Does that sound pleasant? Not at all! Give this to someone you hate but are obligated to get a gift for. I gave it to my younger brother and his wife because they are homophobes and, generally, rude. Plus, they’re already unhealthy so why not enable that?
FOR THAT SASSY TEN YEAR OLD WHO HAS ALREADY KILLED A VAMPIRE OR TWO: An Ugly Doll
The Ugly Dolls have been quite the popular brand recently. And, despite an unattractive namesake, these dolls are pretty cute. With their own world and mythology, this is the perfect opportunity to introduce a little one into a new world of monsters. Why not get them more than one and The Ugly Guide to the Uglyverse?
FOR THAT SMOKER YOU KNOW WHO IS ALREADY THE UNDEAD: Yoshimoto Nara’s “Too Young To Die” Ashtray
A good ashtray is hard to find. And, you know what else is hard to find? Depictions of children participating in unhealthy activity. Enter, Yoshimoto Nara’s “Too Young To Die” ash tray! Although a collector’s item of sorts, this oversized ashtray is 100% functional. You can use it by yourself, you can use it with a friend, you can use it as a family, or you could even use it to teach little ones to smoke. It’s the perfect gift for anyone!
FOR THAT UNCONTROLLABLE FIVE YEAR OLD WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE POSSESSED: Marvin Mustard Spread Head
Nothing is funnier than vomit, right? So why not embellish that five-year-old in your life’s mustard bottle by adding a little green face that vomits out the mustard? I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a splendid idea. Hot dogs with yellow vomit, anyone?
FOR YOUR BOOKISH OLDER FRIEND YOU SUSPECT IS A SERIAL KILLER: A History of Horror by Wheeler Winston Dixon
Let me give a brief plug/unplug of this book: I was strolling around a tiny bookstore and happened upon this little book. I was very intrigued and super into it, so I got it for myself. Sadly, I forgot that I am barely literate and only got two pages in. Thus, give this to a bookish type – not an illiterate.
FOR THE OLFACTORY-CRAZED HUMAN/ANIMAL HYBRID: Diptyque Solid Perfume
Instead of giving a candle or incense or anything else you can shove near a nose, why not opt for a more interesting scent experience by getting a *solid* perfume? That’s right: solid perfumes are making a comeback. A lot of high end fragrance lines offering these, and Diptyque has a very nice collection. Most notably, their Philosykos scent is absolutely remarkable: it’s a light, woody, figgy unisex cologne. Take that, figgy pudding!
FOR THAT FAMILY OF FOUR YOU JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO GET BECAUSE THEY SHARE THE SAME BODY: 4 Fillm Collection: My Best Friend’s A Vampire, Repossesed, Slaughter High, and Silent Night, Deadly Night 3
Now, this gift is a real delight. I would say that it would appease the kid still in high school as much as it would please the religious zealot as much as it would please the holiday fanatic – this set simply has it all! And, sitting just shy of $10, you would have to have had been beaten up by that seven-year-old vomiting mustard to not notice the savings you are getting.
FOR THAT SKINNY GOTH GIRL YOU KNOW WHO MAY IS TELEKINETIC: Black Skeleton Slash Tee
She may be misunderstood, yes, but she doesn’t need to be left unnoticed! She’s as big as a gust of wind and as confident as a back hair, and this girl needs some help cutting her edge. Why not help her out this holiday with a chic skeleton shirt?! Interestingly cut and definitely “alternative,” this may be just what every girl needs to survive prom!
FOR THAT NOT-AS-SKINNY, KIND-OF GOTHY GIRL YOU KNOW WHO CLAIMS SHE “DROPPED A PLATE WITH HER MIND”: American Apparel’s Spin Art Tee
So, there’s this girl. I mean, she’s not a threat at all but you should get her something because she’s related. So what if she’s still a freshman in college at twenty-six, is lumpy, and may or may not claim she’s connected with your dead Uncle Marty – so what? She still needs something this holiday! Thus, go to ye olde American Apparel and support their unannounced, but presumed, going-out-of-business sale to snatch up this t-shirt for her. I mean, you have nothing to lose…unless she really did connect with Uncle Marty.
FOR THAT PERSON WHO GOT INTO WALKING DEAD THE SHOW BUT DIDNT READ THE COMIC: The Walking Dead: Compendium One
This may be a lot of us, yes. And, it will definitely be a fashionable gift this year. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have this gift coming my way from two different directions! That being said, this would be good to buy for that person who has been talking your ear off about this show for better or worse: let this comic put them in their place because this will answer some questions and give them a ground to yell upon as they praise or shit on the show. Take that, Kyle Raymond!
FOR THE PERSON TOO FASHIONABLE TO GET COAL, BUT NOT TOO FASHIONABLE ENOUGH FOR RAT SHIT: Blackberry Sailor’s Remedy
Let’s get real: coal is so outdated. That’s what your mom gave people who were bad this year! This generation, the 2K10 new wave, we have more up our sleeve: blackberry Jelly Belly jelly beans that look like rat shit. This will really stick it to the man that broke your heart, that boss who crossed you one too many times, or that person you simply have to pass the buck of a gypsy curse on to.
FOR THAT PERSON LOOKING TO TRY OUT HAVING AN EXTRA FACE, BUT HAS COMMITMENT ISSUES: American Apparel’s Mad Andy Poly-Cotton Short Sleeve Tee
I’m not talking zits, people: I’m talking about growing an extra face without the hassle of hiding it under a shirt, getting it implanted, explaining it, etc., etc., etc. Instead, American Apparel has provided us with Andy Kaufman‘s face on a t-shirt to give us something a little less permanent than having an extra face, while still evoking Kuato from Total Recall. Thanks, Dov Charney!
FOR THAT PERSON YOU KNOW WHO JUST WON’T DIE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO AWESOME: LIMBO for XBox
For this undead person (who, unfortunately, must own an XBox), you have GOT to get them LIMBO for XBox. This game plays like a really creepy live painting, following the tale of a little boy in “limbo” searching for his little sister. He deals with giant spiders, murdering children, climbing trees, and brain-eating slugs. It’s a remarkable game that will have you addicted. It’s also the most refined gore I have ever experienced in my life. This is a MUST.
FOR WHEN YOUR MOTHER TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE: Nomskull Cupcake Molds
In anticipation of your mothers death and subsequent rise, you may want to start training her on what she’s going to be feasting on in the undead: brains. What best to do that with? Cupcakes that look like brains! Who wouldn’t like these?! You may even want to throw these in with the person you give The Walking Dead gift to because, seriously, this is more brain eating than they will see on that show.
FOR YOU, AFTER A LONG DAY OF SHOPPING: Laura Zindel’s Beetle Espresso Cup & Saucer
This cute little Edgar Allan Poe espresso cup and saucer are the perfect way for you to finish your holiday and take it easy before the onslaught of your friends, relatives, enemies, etc. opening your gifts. You’re going to want to be energized and prepared to deal with everyone asking you where you got things, if they can return the items, or how they can train the gummy worm for good – not evil.
Any other dark or creepy gifts you guys are planning to give friends, families, ghouls, etc. this holiday season? Let us know, as we’re always looking for new ways to regift coal/rat shit!
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