“Walking Dead” 2.04: Baby! Baby? Baby.

Last week we were left with quite the cliffhanger: Shane turned crazy, Otis done was killed, Carl Button was seemingly revived, and everyone’s headed to the farm! Lord knows where this is heading, but – from the looks of last episode – it’s going somewhere bloody and dramatic in a good way…if the show can keep up the weight of its own big head.

First off, BULLSHIT Carl Button’s first question after waking up was, “Sophia?” BULL. Pigs are flying all around my head because I was certain he was going to say “Dad?” or “Mom?” or “Deer?” or something but, instead, he asks about fucking Sophia. This is a joke.

But, regardless, a reunion! They made it! Thank heavens! About damn time. I feel like they should have gotten there sooner but, whatever, Otis drama from last episode delayed it and they arrived just in time for his funeral (which was really similar to a pet funeral, where everyone brings rocks, etc….I saw that on Dogtown guys, ok!).

Even before the opening credits, Shane DRAMA. I love it. Not only does he have to wear those baggedy ass Otis clothes but he has to speak at his funeral. Amazing! Tension, guys. I can already see where this is going: he’s going to have to retell this story and fail. Oh, Shane: we still hate you, but at least we love you more since you have brought us ~*~dRaMa~*~.

Also, hopeful prediction: Shane becomes like a full on people-murderer, killing those who figure him out. That’d be wonderful!

UGHHHHHHHHHH: they bring the Plantation Crew into the Sophia mess?? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. This is a joke. Were there no other storylines to play with? Anything else of interest? Follow the fucking deer for poop’s sake – that is interesting. Whatever: good that the Plantation Crew wants to help…and take their guns. As expected, Andrea fucking bitched and bitched about it and had a moment with Shane over this morbid infatuation of hers. Of course!

This also lead to their exchange later in the episode where Shane kind of spilled his guts about how hard it is to “take a man’s life” and that he “hasn’t gotten the last part down yet” (read: he stills kills innocent people). That’s a little weird to speak about, no? Otis just died – don’t give yourself away, man…and especially not to Andrea!

“See Glen over there: he’s our go to town expert,” says Shane as he goes in for the assist on getting Glen some poon from Maggie. While I would I have loved to have seen that storyline then and there, we get to see Lori and Shane’s boring sexual tension (which did end interestingly with her looking frightened that he would kill her).

Back to Glen’s Pharmacy Pussy Hunt…on horses!

He even called her the “farmer’s daughter.” Is this turning into a porn? That’d be great.

But what’s better than porn? FINALLY bringing up Aunt Flo! (Kind of.) I really didn’t think about this at all, honestly, but I’m surprised it wasn’t brought up sooner. It’d be so anti-feminist for a woman’s period to be the reason why she dies but that would be really fucking progressive in the zombie canon.

This, of course, was a cover for something bigger we could all see from last season, which did not lend itself to my originally writing this: “Why is she being such a weirdo about it, too? Women have periods, Lori. Come out of your period closet and stop being such a baby about it!” I guess no period closet to come out of, y’all.

The zombie in the well storyline: What? Is this a metaphor for something? Did Maya Angelou write this episode? Shouldn’t they just have killed it because the water was probably 99% already tainted? Whatever, heighten Glen and Maggie’s sexual tension by lowering Glen into the well, which OF COURSE breaks down in a situation like The Ruins (but the antagonist isn’t the flowers, but Ted Raimi as Possessed Henrietta in Evil Dead 2…or the Zombie Baby in Dead Alive).

This bloated zombie bro, though, is this week’s Zombeef and…well, nice rip in half?

I admit, that was cool. T-Dog‘s bludgeoning was great as well.

Oh, Daryl: you go on being all sexy and independent finding a new house. I prayed the whole episode the producers would get homage-y on us and he would kill Sophia in the house, thinking she was a zombie. Ugh. Didn’t happen. Instead, he found the little bitch’s cubby hole and other accoutrement associated with an aimless child. The Cherokee Rose bit was hopeful that Sophia will be found so, yeah, cool. Awesome. Great. Yawn.

Glen and Maggie finally make it to the store on horses! What is Glen’s problem? I don’t think he’s ever spoken to a woman before. Maggie practically invited him inside of her and he didn’t get it until she said as much. This whole scene was great, though. Again: apocalypse survivors are horny! Get it on, y’all, get on that Love In Zombietime.

I couldn’t help but be concerned for those horses for the duration of that scene. What if zombies came?! Whatever, their one time sex must have been fun. Can’t wait for the baby!

Rick’s loss of blood also, like, aged him a thousand years this episode. Isn’t he supposed to be the hottest one, not the zombie in the well? The priorities of things in this show are so whack!

BTW, that Old Veterinarian is a fucking dickhead and Rick and Carl Button are cute with their “matching gunshot wounds.” But, Lori has the last laugh: she isn’t visiting Aunt Flo – SHE’S FUCKING PREGGERS. ~*~DrAmA~*~ I love that she’s pregnant with Shane’s insane love child at this point in the show! Maybe she should just ask him to kill it? (Also, who wasn’t surprised that she asked for a pregnancy test?)

• Why do Lori and Rick get to stay in the house and everyone else has to stay outside in tents?
• The baby news won’t break for some time. Anyone think that she’ll try to go for an abortion? That’d be amazing!
Sophia will be found next episode. UGH. BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY.
• They’ll probably coast until season’s end at the plantation? Who knows.
• There’s going to be a zombie war throw down on the plantation, too. I can feel it!
• Maybe Lori and Rick will have sex next week to justify her being pregnant? I’m intrigued to see what she does.
Glen will be depressed :( because Maggie is a player ;)
• More horses? MORE HORSES.
Have you guys seen this?

What do you guys think? Was Lori’s pregnancy a yawn or a shock? Was last week more exciting than this week’s? Who is going to die next?!

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A gay military kid who lived up and down the east coast finally decided to venture out West--and hasn't returned. With a love for horror films, champagne, short shorts, and CAPS LOCK, he spends his time writing, doing comedy, and being an assistant (oy). He has a dog and collects magazines with Lady Gaga on the cover, too.