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House of 1000 Muppets

Merry Christmas, Sickos!

Brom Bones Made Me Gay

This was one of my favorite cartoons as a little kid and it's only now that I'm seeing it for the first time in like 10 years that I'm realizing that Brom Bones is everything I ever wanted. He's charismatic. He's got a great voice. He can dance. He's built like a brick shithouse. He jumps up in the air and spanks his own ass and somehow looks butch doing it. He's like a beta version of Hugh Jackman.

He's also a total asshole and possibly a murderer, but hey -- nobody's perfect. But he does like to scare the shit out of people and there's nothing wrong with that, especially when you look and sound so good doing it.

So thanks, Disney. Thanks for planting the image of this devilish, hot-stepping himbo in my young, fragile mind and sending me chasing his tiny little ponytail for the better part of two decades. What, was killing Bambi not enough for you people?!

Queers for Fears Halloween Movie Guide Video!

Gay Supernatural Thriller In the Blood Premieres Sunday Night on LOGO

It's A Clive!

And Condi Rice as "Chris Hargensen"

Paul Lynde Halloween Jamboree!

Elvira Delivers the Shocks

Let's just hope Tyra doesn't get any bright ideas. Wait, did I really just say that? Pthhhh!

The Buzz Is Back

Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid...

File Under: Holy Fucking Shit!
You'll never guess what I just posted: a new review! Of a new movie! That I actually LIKED! Gentlemen, cue the Hellmouth and the raining blood.

Yes, I caught Hostel Part 2 the other night and I loved it. I also caught Xanadu on Broadway last night and I loved it, too -- so you can pretty much ignore anything I say as the rants of a crazy person. But really -- Dawn Weiner, a kickass lesbian final girl, and Roger Bart? What's not to love?

Check out the review over on the Reviews Page.

Breaking: Eli Roth a "grower", not a "shower"
In case you missed it, the Little Fratboy Who Could took yet another opportunity to soothe his fragile ego recently by posing for a portrait sporting a 2-foot-long prosthetic cock.

Size queens of the world yawn, go back to feeding their horses.

Check out the full pic HERE.

Nancy Allen is Rolling in Her Sleep-Number Bed
FUCK YOU: Dressed to Kill to be remade as direct-to-video piece of shit. It's official: there ain't no decency left.

How Awful About Curtis
Legendary television and horror director Curtis Harrington died. It's sad, but really -- we're just gonna be seeing more and more of this as these old chestnuts start shuffling off their mortal... um... chestnut-shells.

Here are a few of the Harrington films that we've reviewed here at the Camp.

Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell

How Awful About Allan

The Killing Kind

Harrington also directed Killer Bees, What's the Matter with Helen?, Whoever Slew Auntie Roo, Ruby, and The Dead Don't Die. Curtis, you and your matron-wrangling ways will be missed.

Ground Control to Major Humbert

:(

Postcard from the Edge: Cat in the Brain
So I know I've been the Mayor of Excuses Village lately, but seriously trust me when I tell you that this has not. been. my. week.

First, I have it out with evil troll landlord (you may know her from such films as Poltergeist, Teen Witch, and Anguish) about the dozen or so maintenence issues that she has been gleefully ignoring for the past, oh, three months. Why fix your tenants' roof when you can play the "frail old lady" routine and then jet off to the Native American casinos every week with your dried up old friends? I hope the fucking Deer Woman mistakes her for a tick and stomps on her blood-fat ass.

Then my cat, Humbert Humbert (he of the daunting Eastern European pathos and the Humbert's Revenge tee-shirt) has to have part of his ear removed because he has what they think may be a melanoma. You know, because of all the fucking tanning he's been doing lately. So now he's in pain, disoriented, and increasingly smelly since the space-age Elizabethan collar that he's wearing won't allow him to bathe -- and of course this all means that he wants to be as close to me as humanly possible. Calgon, take me away!

I've also been busy at work and trying to get the garden together -- those bulbs aren't gonna plant themselves, you know! Did I just totally gay out? I did. Straight people hire immigrants to do their gardening.

Anyway, I've been awful about everything, from the I Still Know! movie still trivia challenge extravaganza to reviews to news to everything. As far as the former goes, the answers to the last two weeks were Jennifer and Blue Monkey, respectively -- and I swear that I've been keeping track of your entries (which sounds like like euphemism, but it's not). Although so few people got either of them that it's pretty sad -- I can't tell if you've given up on me or you just haven't seen the movies. To make it up to you I made this week's still fairly easy and will even give you a clue: this movie was also the answer to one of the challenges in the first round. Oooooooh!

I have even have a handful of white hot Movie of the Weak reviews from the gloriously informative and amazing Amanda by Night that I've been sitting on for weeks because I totally spaced on having them in the first place. But I promise to get them and a review up this week -- I watched Looker, Windows (which should totally be a double-bill with Curtains), and more, and I'm dying to rip them to ribbons.

Miss you all.

Oh, Happy Day!
On this holiest of holy days, I wanted to come up with something really special for you kids. Instead, I spent all evening making homemade chicken and dumplings and drinking bourbon. Sorry, but that's just how I roll these days.

So instead, allow me to direct your attention to some Friday the 13th goodies of days past...

First, there's an article I wrote over at women-and-horror site Pretty-Scary about how Jason Voorhees was obviously a big homo: Jason, Are You Queer?

And there's also this delightful little ditty that I put together a while back that combines awful dance music (courtesy of Madonna) and about 45 instances of the name Tina from Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood to make some kind of half-assed commentary about crystal meth use in the gay club circuit. It's actually much more fun than it sounds, and it'll have you screaming "TEEEEENNNAAAAAAAAAA!" for hours -- just right-click this link and save the MP3 to your desktop: Friday the ThirTina.

But what about Friday the 13th: The Series? Yes -- I tackled that shit, too -- and even did a tribute to the many hairstyles of its lead hotness, Robey: Robey's Revenge.

And there's of course my review of the best of the series, Friday the 13th Part 2 -- which features one of my all-time fave Final Girls, Amy Steel.

Have a great day, kids!

Dead Boyz Don't Wear Pantz
Okay, now, before I get into this, I need someone to explain something to me: what in the fuck is it with everyone trading out "s"s for "z"s lately? Okay, when it first started and it was a conscious act of defiance against the "power", it was fine -- I have no problem with Boyz N the Hood, or Boyz II Men, or even Vampiyaz or Werewolvez or whatever. The trading out of the last "s" was, more than anything, a sign that these films were made for an "urban audience" (the PC marketing term for "black people", for some bizarre reason -- what, white people don't live in cities? And black people have never seen a tree?) with "urban" tastes and interests. But in the last few years there have been a few Wonder-white movies -- several of them made by sissies -- that have adopted this playful misuse of consonants for no reason other than that it apparently sounds "edgy" or "hip". Allow me to direct your attention to Beastly Boyz, Boyz II Death (renamed Ring of Darkness), and now, Dead Boyz Don't Scream.

Open letter to white people: must you co-opt the last few remaining things that black people have to themselves? First Eminem, now THIS??

Anyway, the horribly titled Dead Boyz Don't Scream nonetheless looks intriguing for one reason: bunz. And lotz of them. The story iz about a group of male modelz who are picked off in increazingly horrible wayz while on a Brokeback Mountain-style photo shoot. Throw in lotz of full-frontal nudity from Playgirl modelz, some gory killz, and lezbianz with gunz, and you've got the makingz of a camp clazzic -- or at leazt zomething that you can rub one out to.

Here are a few stillz -- for more info on the flick (which iz now making the feztival roundz), check out the official webzite.

I Still Know That Will Draw Sharks
Alright, I've been loathesomely bad with the I Still Know! results in the last week, I fully realize. Again: new job, new responsibilities, new things to whine about. Sorry. This week's delicious still comes from one of my all-time favorite movies, the smart-shark-and-snark epic Deep Blue Sea. Our helpful volunteer demonstrates exactly how NOT to feed a super-intelligent shark a Twinkie (i.e., with your crotch).

I Still Know! Week 18 Winners (randomly ordered)
spazmo
Elio
Hambone

Yes, only three correct guesses, and for the first time -- NO Dishonorable Mention 2-Point award. It was there for the picking, kittens, and you let it rot on the vine. Goddamnit, we can't HAVE nice things!!

Since last week was such a hit for the contest, I'll include those winners here as well. The movie was of course the first bona fide gay slasher, Hellbent, and depicted Pumpkin (with a pumpkin on his head, get it?) moments before his decapitation. You kids were all over this one -- and a few new players joined the fray this week, whom I'd like to welcome: jimmy, lt. ripley, and damien2. Thanks for joining us, boys. Your server will be with you in just a moment. The first five respondents were spazmo, boyblunder, hambone, First_Darren, and InfoEd.

With last week's results and today's added, the Leaderboard looks like this:

I Still Know! Leaderboard
1. spazmo
2. Dogballz
3. hambone
4. TommyRoss
5. boyblunder

Folks, last year's reigning champ TommyRoss has fallen TWO SPOTS to shameful #4! At this point, anything could happen. Be sure to check in on Monday for another challenge!!

The Knee Jerk: Grindhouse, The Reaping
There are actually a few horror movies coming out this week: one is a fuckload of fun, and the other is a piece of shit. Guess which?

Grindhouse
Love him or hate him (I generally hate him), Quentin Tarantino knows how to attract attention. And for the first time in ages, his new film is actually worth all the hype. Tarantino and pal Robert Rodriguez paired up to make a 3-hour tribute to the seventies "grindhouse" film, and in doing so have created a loud, violent, and incredibly entertaining --if not highly sanitized -- mashup of exploitation, "women in cages", car chase movies, slashers, splatter, and more. Does a movie of this budget and this much goodwill deserve to call itself "grindhouse"? Well, no. But it's still fucking fun. Rodriguez's Planet Terror is lots of gooey, gory fun and features a sly and pleasantly surprising lesbian plot (not to mention Rose McGowan with a machine-gun leg and Six Feet Under's adorable Freddy Rodriguez as the world's smallest action hero). Tarantino's Death Proof is a highly impressive women's revenge picture (it morphs from an old-school slasher setup to a Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! type road-bitch movie) that may start slowly but is well worth the trip. The fake trailers and goofery that pepper the film (including some "missing reel" gags) transform two genre films into a bona fide moviegoing experience -- the preview by Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead) that spoofs British haunted house movies is the funniest thing I've seen all year. Seriously, grab a six-pack, buy some popcorn, and settle in for a great time.

The Reaping
You know, I really wish I could re-use the review "God-awful" for every lousy religious thriller that came down the pike, but I can't. So I'll just call The Reaping a "holy mess". Convoluted, meandering (there is seriously a 30-minute sequence of Hilary Swank wandering around leftover sets from Skeleton Key that goes absolutely NOWHERE), and insanely loud, this movie looks like it was assembled out of the remains of other bad films. It's like a cinematic Frankenhooker. Avoid it, despite how strong the temptation may be to see Swank get covered in CGI locusts.

Or wait -- "holy shit"! That's funny, right?