Punish This!
So a dear friend bought me The Punisher DVD for Christmas, knowing that mama need her Thomas Jane fix or she get squirrely, and shit. So imagine my surprise when the movie didn't totally suck for several reasons:

1. Thomas Jane is shirtless for literally half of the film. I'll ignore his extremely bizarre chest-hair pattern, which makes it look like they waxed his stomach and got bored before they got past his nipples.
2. The movie itself is so hysterically uneven that you'll burst out laughing every ten minutes: we go from slapstick to brutal torture to family drama to exploding cars in the flip of a switch. People actually get thrown in front of trains. Brilliance.
3. There's a gay character. Yes, in a bizarre twist, one of the lead baddies is a sadistic homo who delights in ripping facial piercings out of local losers when he's not making out with Armani models under bridges. It's nice to see the fag on the safe end of Mr. Pointy for a change -- although he does get his comeuppance eventually, in an oddly touching murder scene that is utterly out-of-place in an otherwise loud, nasty movie. Plus, he's kinda hot, in a sick demented sadist sort of way...
4. Did I mention Thomas Jane takes his shirt off? Mmm...

Happy New Year, and All That
It's been a great year, folks! Well, maybe not for horror movies, but for me! Well, maybe not for me either. For America! Ooh -- scratch that. Forgot about that whole business in November... um... fuck it, just get wasted and pray for death. Again...

I leave you with my favorite image of the year. May you all still have openings worth filling in 2005.

Much love,
Buzz

Phantom of the Crapera
I honestly don't know if I'll have the energy to write a full review of the toilet-clogging monster turd that is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera, but I did want to warn anyone who might have even the slightest interest in the film to steer far and clear of what is easily the worst movie I have seen in the last 10 years. Essentially Van Helsing set to music, this movie is loud, boring, clumsy, stupid, and wholly uninteresting. I can't fucking believe I sat throught the entire thing, and apologize profusely to my moviegoing companion for suggesting that we go in the first place, and then not having the decency to allow him to sleep through the debacle (I woke him up twice out of sheer terror at what I was witnessing on the screen -- Vogueing in a period drama!! Drum machines!! Dracula 2000 -- SINGING!!).

Please, people -- friends don't let friends see Phantom.

This is Your Final Boarding Announcement
I'll be closing voting for the Skullies Peephole's Choice Awards on Friday, so get your ballots in, peeps! For those of you who didn't see all the films up for this esteemed award, Anacondas and Open Water both came out on video this week -- check out the hot men, in the name of posterity. Or posteriors -- take your pick. Scroll down a few entries for the full list of nominees and get yer vote in before the 31st!

The Phantom Menace
I don't know about you, but I can't fucking wait to go see the relentless shit-orgy that undoubtedly is Joel Schumacher's Andrew Lloyd Webber's My Second's Cousin's Baby Sister Tracy's Babydaddy's Phantom of the Opera. The reviews are pouring in, and they're some of the most scathing (and cretive -- my favorite combination) of the year. Here's a sampling:

"...feels like little more than a 2+ hour promotional video for perfume, jewelry, corsets and curtains."
-- Scott Weinberg, efilmcritic.com

"Now I know why, besides Lon Chaney, the best screen version of The Phantom of the Opera is the silent one. No one sings in it."
-- Jeffrey Westhoff, Northwest Herald

"Combines fingernails-on-blackboard audio agony with bamboo-under-fingernails physical torture."
-- Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Daily News

"On the boards The Phantom of the Opera was bloated kitsch; now, thanks to Schumacher, it's hysterically bloated kitsch."
-- Frank Swietek, One Guy's Opinion

"Like being trapped in the frilly bedroom of an absurdly romantic, borderline psychotic 13-year-old girl for nearly two and a half hours."
-- Mary F. Pols, Contra Costa Times

Granted, I have never heard of a single one of these people, so their opinions should matter as much as... well, mine. Scratch that. What does Leonard Maltin think?!

Vote or Die. I Mean It
Don't forget to cast your vote for the first annual Skullies Peephole's Choice Awards, honoring the best, worst, and gayest of horror for the past year. The results so far are actually somewhat surprising, but there's plenty of time for the tide to turn and those Red States to get involved. In which case I'll end up on fire somewhere.

Anyway... polls will be open through next week, so check out the nominees in the post below and cast your vote! Be a part of history, people!

And possibly win free shit. That's really what it's about.

The First Annal Peephole's Choice Awards!
Well, kids – it’s time to pause, take a quiet moment, and look back at the year we’ve survived (read: thus begins the litany of holiday parties, spiked eggnog, and champagne that will render us all but useless through January). In honor of living through another lunar cycle, I’m pleased to announce that CampBlood.org will be honoring the Best, the Worst, and the downright Faggiest Fright Films of 2004 in the next few weeks. As a part of the First Annual Skullies, I’m proud to lay out the nominees for the Peepholes’ Choice Awards, which will be granted special consideration as the official word from the Homo Horror community on what made it, broke it, and just plain sucked it for this year. There will be no "absentee ballots", no "pregnant chads" (I ran it by Chad; the very idea disgusted him) -- just the whiskey-scented and raspy voice of the people. I've randomly selected some photos of nominees, for no particular reason. Ahem.

Drum machine roll, please…

Peepholes’ Choice Nominees for the First Annual CampBlood.org Skullies Awards for Excellence in Horror Filmmaking, Innovation in Casseroles, and General Malaise

1. Best Horror Film
Open Water
Shaun of the Dead
The Grudge
Ginger Snaps: Unleashed
The Machinist

2. Worst Horror Film
Van Helsing
Saw
Dawn of the Dead
Godsend
Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies

3. Worst Sequel
Exorcist: The Beginning
Seed of Chucky
Anacondas
Alien vs. Predator
Resident Evil: Apocalypse

4. Horror Hottie of the Year
Johnny Messner (Anacondas)
Ryan Reynolds (Blade Trinity)
Jason Behr (The Grudge)
Daniel Travis (Open Water)
Will Kemp (Van Helsing)
*note: landslide-assured Hugh Jackman of Van Helsing was eliminated for sporting the worst wig of the year

5. Horror Hoochie of the Year
Jessica Biel (Blade Trinity)
Sarah “Don’t Call Me Buffy, Bitch!” Gellar (The Grudge)
Blanchard Ryan (Open Water)
Rebecca Romjin (Godsend)
Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)

6. Horror Homo of the Year
Don Mancini (Seed of Chucky)
Paul Etheredge-Ouzts (Hellbent)
Alan Rowe Kelly (I’ll Bury You Tomorrow)
Sharon Ferranti (Make a Wish)
John Waters (Seed of Chucky)

7. Eli Roth Award for Disparate Ratio of Exposure to Talent
Lucky McKee (May, The Woods)
Dave DeCoteau (The Brotherhoods, Leeches)
James Wan (Saw)
Rob Zombie (House of 2000 Corpses)
Chris Kentis (Open Water)
Eli Roth

8. Gayest Horror Film or Event of the Year
Write-In. Make it sassy, people!

Please send your selections to skullies@campblood.org. The best responses to #8 and a few random entrants will be selected to win horror goodies, and category winners will be announced with my own Best and Worst of the Year, for anyone who cares to listen to the ramblings of a drunk sissy.

Jason, Behr

Mrs. Morrisette at Home
(Ryan Reynolds)

Hey -- How'd You Get in Here?!

Look -- There's a Sale at Penny's!
I'm thrilled to announce that there's a special holiday sale going on over at the sweatshop -- I mean, merchandiser -- that sells the official CampBlood.org merch. In honor of the holidays, I've added some special new items, like the exclusive Misty Thong, seen at the right. Remember, people -- nothing says "healing power of Christ's love" like intimate wear.

To enjoy the savings and help support this goofy little site, click HERE.

The Phunky Phantom
So if you're like me, you're thrilled to see the new Joel Schumacher-directed Phantom of the Opera movie because it has "guaranteed train-wreck" written all over it. The soundtrack is now out on CD, and since most musical soundtracks sound like the same old whiny shit to me, I consulted a legitimate Theatre Fag friend of mine to give me a quick review of the recording. Here's what he had to say:

First off, it's very poorly produced. It basically sounds like they took the Original Broadway Cast Recording and stuck even worse singers on it, which isn't easy to do considering you had Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman warbling on the first one. Everyone sounds pretty much like crap, except Patrick Wilson, who is an excellent singer but who here seems as though he's been coached to sound like he's in a boy-band -- all breathy and young. Minnie Driver, who plays Carlotta, doesn't have the voice of an opera singer, so she's the only actor who doesn't do her own singing. But of course, being the diva that she is, she had to have something on the album to promote her new solo record, so there's a new song recorded for the end credits that features Minnie Driver actually singing, which makes no since as she doesn't sing anywhere else in the movie. Emmy Rossum's Christine sounds asthmatic -- most of her performance is a high-pitched whistle and isn't the least bit attractive. And Gerard Butler as the Phantom sounds like he's singing in a German accent and apparently smokes way too much -- it's awful. It's obvious that Schumacher cast the prettiest people he could find in the hopes of seeing them in a threesome and had no regard for vocal ability.

So there you have it, folks -- from the mouths of Broadway Babes. Less Chicago, more Evita. I'll still be there to ogle the set dressing.

The Voluptuous Horror of Vicki Lawrence
Since it's a bit slow on the horror front this week (read: I've been in a week-long pastry-and-booze hole that has left me all but unable to lift my head from my desk), I thought I'd share with you some of the inner workings of CampBlood.org: namely, the kinds of freakazoids that my little site attracts. See, since moving to my wonderful new hosting company I am privy to all the search strings that lead random strangers to these hallowed pages.

Yes, kids -- every time you type "naked pauly shore kumquat training wheel shawshank" into your favorite search engine and click on a link, your search criteria is passed on to the site that you visit as a result. What does this mean? Two things: one, that a shitload of otherwise perfectly nice people have somehow ended up here and have likely been scarred forever. Two, I have a window into some truly deranged minds. Read below for actual search criteria...

"carson zhuzh"
Can you imagine the poor Queer Eye queen who logged on looking for pearls of wisdom from fashion-mantis Carson Kressley and instead ended up at my review of God Told Me To? Armani Exchange just lost a sale.

"freeway fiddler"
I'm delighted that some sad soul somewhere found their way to my loving write-up of the fabulous Death Car on the Freeway. Unless they were really looking for a fiddler who plays highways, in which case they're shit out of luck.

"adventures of Milo and Otis animal cruelty"
Read the Tintorera review: it's all there, people.

"somnambulance"
Someone doing research on sleepwalking ended up at my bitchy pun in the review of the incredibly boring Unhinged and swooned with rapture at my masterful control of the English language. Or they cursed me, snorted more Ritalin, and kept studying.

"vicki lawrence cleavage"
The product of a truly deranged mind.

"legolas blow up doll"
Either this person is actually looking for a sex toy that looks like an elf, or he misspelled "legless"; either possibility is humbling.

"words to the pina colada song"
My best friend was fellated by a middle-aged waitress to this song, so if you were going to find these lyrics anywhere, it may as well be here. But you won't. Actually, I don't know how the fuck this led anybody here.

"evan farmer gay"
A brilliant case of "guilt by association". Many folks looking for clues to While You Were Out host Evan Farmer's sexuality have found themselves here, even though I never make any claim to know. That said, have you seen the way he and Jason look at each other?!?!

"officer officer where's your brother"
One of my favorite club-kid-era bitchtracks, I used this title in a photo caption for my interview with Alan Rowe Kelly, and in doing so seduced some poor soul to my site, wasting up to a full minute of his precious vogueing time.

"eye knife raven"
Part of the hot tarot mantra from Sweet Sweet Rachel, unless a poor speller is looking for shots of Raven Simone being shanked.

"pics julia louis-dreyfus naked troll"
I'm assuming that they mean pics of Julia Louis-Dreyfus naked in the movie Troll, not that she resembles a troll when naked. But I'm just assuming.

"is doug wilson of trading spaces gay?"
Does a frog have a water-tight asshole? Well, that's more than we can say for Doug.

"crotch shots sam elliot"
Yes, my review of The Legacy is full of references to Mr. Elliot's breadbasket. But that doesn't make it right.

"key huy quan shirtless"
Fifty bucks says this was Corey Feldman.

Buzz is Pretty!
...Pretty Scary, that is! I'm honored as a crossing guard with a perfect record to have been invited to host the Queer Fear column on the women-in-horror site Pretty-Scary.com. My first essay went up yesterday, and I invite you to check out the glamorous, exceedingly entertaining site, as well as my own sissy contribution. Now, you may be asking, "what the Sam Hell is Buzz doing writing on a site for and about women?". The answer? I am one. No, not really. I guess the lovely ladies behind Pretty-Scary -- Heidi Martinuzzi, Jennifer Whidlin, and Amy Lynn Best -- figured that we sissies love our Final Girls almost as much as the ladies... whatever their reasoning (my check should arrive any day, Heidi...), I'm thrilled to be a part of what promises to be an exciting and informative horror venture.

The Year Ends Not with a Bang, but a Whimper
So in a flurry of computer-animated fluff and bloated action films (not to mention bloated action stars -- yes, Mr. Cage, I'm speaking to you), 2004 draws to a close with only 2 horror films left to bow: the much-anticipated Spanish supernatural thriller Darkness (starring Lena Olin and Anna Paquin as the hottest mother and daughter since Betsy Palmer and Erin Gray), and the somewhat-anticipated final installation in Wesley Snipes' mortgage, Blade: Trinity. Now, since I've already seen both of these (click to read my Darkness review and my Trinity review), I'll be taking the next few weeks to reflect on the year past (read: marathon drinking) and drumming up some new crazy shit for the site (read: writing while on crack). I'll be posting the nominees for the First Annual CampBlood.org Skullies Awards for Excellence in Horror Filmmaking, Innovation in Casseroles, and General Malaise Peepholes' Choice Awards -- yes, YOU can vote for the best of the year! -- as well as beating the whole "Christmas horror movies" horse to death, like every other damn site.

Fag Football: the New Horror
So I figured it was about time to check out the ol' Script Sales site and see what'll be in the pike for the next year or so. And guess what? It's all remakes!! Here's a sampling of horrific happenings coming yer way...

The Evil Dead (remake of the Sam Raimi film)
Five twentysomething friends are holed up in a remote cabin and discover a Book of the Dead. When an archaeologist's taped translation of the text and its incantations is replayed, the kids accidentally summon dormant demons that possess them.

The Tingler (remake of the William Castle film)
A scientist, in the search for a medical cure for fear, unleashes the Tingler, an entity that kills its victims with fear.

The Invisible (remake of the Swedish film)
Two young teens' real selves are invisible to others, one due to his untimely death and the other is invisible due to the neglect she's endured since the death of her mother.

Doll Master (remake of the Korean film)
A group of dolls take on the lives of their owners after they're dead.

Saw 2 (sequel to the bad film)
A psychopath kidnaps victims and forces them to play horrific games so that they can learn the value of life.

The Strangers (NOT a remake!)
Three mysterious strangers terrorize a young couple in a remote house after they return from a wedding.

Plague (NOT a remake; Clive Barker will produce)
A mysterious apocalypse has left the world's children comatose and unresponsive. Trouble starts when the grownup kids wake up and lash out against their parents.

and my personal favorite:

Real Men
An impromptu small-town football game which pits gay against straight attracts worldwide attention. NOTE: John Landis will direct. Yes, the John Landis. Yes, the one who made Thriller.

I'm Just Mad About Saffron...
Someone PLEASE tell me this is true: the trash-as-trash-can Page Six gossip column reported yesterday that actress Saffron Burrows (most recently seen in Troy as... some woman in a toga) has recently moved in with lesbian lover Fiona Shaw (most recently seen in Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban -- yes, the Harry Potter, as Aunt Petunia!). Now, last I had heard Saffron was dishing it to onetime - or rather, threetime - director/boyfriend Mike Figgis (Timecode, The End of Sexual Inncoence, Hotel), but apparently Fiona and Saffy have been together for quite some time now and the move-in is just the next step in an established relationship. See, this is what happens when women don't go to liberal arts colleges and become LUGs like the rest of the straight girls -- although Cynthia Nixon's recent switch to the dark side can certainly be held at least partially accountable for this recent rash of unchecked lesbianism. What if Hollywood actors started doing the same thing? What if Bruce Boxleitner and Nick Nolte suddenly left their spouses to shack up together, adopt a few foreign babies, and start a line of tasteful yet resonably-priced denim jackets for dogs? Ah, well -- I say we sheer on Safs and Fiona regardless. After all, I for one have been dying for an excuse to put Deep Blue Sea on the Homo Horror Guide...

New Swag!
Just a quick note to remind all you pagan heathen perverts that Christmas is coming up and that NOTHING is more welcome under the tree than some CampBlood.org swag. In honor of the holidays, I've drawn up some new items in the Company Store that feature our new characters, with more to come! You know your Nana's just aching for an Anchorwoman in Peril coffee mug...

Click HERE for the yumminess, and remember there's always a link to the store on the Main Page.

And Boy, Are My Arms Tired...
Yes, I was away for a few days there, but I had good reason: yes, I, your faithful correspondent, took his life into his own faggy little hands by traveling to a Red State mere days after the debacle that was November 2nd. And yes, I am happy to report that God is still punishing the denizens of Florida for their behavior by cursing them with Pentacostal hair, enormous rumps, and a stunning lack of high-end footwear merchandisers. That said, I had a hell of a good time taking in such sights as the Skull Kingdom Haunted Attraction (which featured such delights as a killer clown boxing-bag room and a tribute to Hellraiser), Universal's Islands of Adventure (the Jurassic Park ride sucks but the Spiderman ride is truly Amazing -- check out the package on Spidey -- in 3-D!!), the Wonderworks upside-down house fun-fair, and a few of Orlando's gay bars (Lee's Underground, which featured a free jukebox and reruns of Desperate Housewives, definitely took the cake). Yes, I'm sorry that I left you homos without any horror movie dish for a few days. No, I'll never do it again.

About Last Night...
Needless to say, we're all fucked. But what else is new? It'll work out -- I'm giving all my medicated friends Taxi Driver for Christmas...

Hallowinners
Well I don't know about you, but Halloween treated me like a rented bitch -- with parties and costumes and Filipino Karaoke bars and concerts to see to, I'm as tuckered as a... well, just tuckered. But I am very, very pleased to announce the winners of the first ever CampBlood.org contest! Drum machine roll please...

First Place: Carey Snowden! Hailing from Chapel Hill, our lovely winner will be the hottest sissy on the block when he decks out his sodomy pad with a fabulous vintage horror movie poster! Also included are a CampBlood.org t-shirt (want yer own? Click here and cough up the green!), and a loaf of my home-baked pumpkin bread. Atkins be damned, bitches!
Second Place: the aptly-named Patrick from Dallas (no relation to Frederick of Hollywood) will have minutes upon minutes of quality entertainment next time he hosts a neighborhood function with one of a selection of homo-rific horror DVDs. Patrick will also be macking a CampBlood.org t-shirt and a flavored condom... root beer!
Third Place: Michael Hedges of somewhere west of New Jersey is our proud caboose (ahem), pulling up the rear in this fun-filled and overly-elaborate undertaking. He'll be enjoying a CampBlood.org t-shirt and whatever else I can find under my sofa.

Congrats to the winners, and thanks to all who played! I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.

Chucky Has Two Daddies
Not to draw any unneeded attention to a personal choice, but I just got around to reading the Seed of Chucky article in the new Fangoria, and director Don Mancini full-on comes out in his interview! And I don't mean just queens out and makes a reference to Muriel's Wedding or reveals that he drinks Mike's Hard Lemonade or anything like that -- here's the quote:

Certainly as a gay man, I had a very contentious relationship with my father that I would say is reflected, in a satirical, parodying way.

Now, I had pegged this production as a sausage-fest from the get-go, what with the cameo by John Waters and the gender-confusion storyline. But I want to give a huge shout-out to Mancini (who wrote all of the Child's Play movies) for such a brave and breezy acknowledgement of his sexuality in what is doubtless the biggest and most commerically-marketed horror publication in the country (and beyond....). Damn -- when I called the magazine Fagoria last week for having the Gayest Issue Ever, I hadn't actually read the articles or anything...

NYC Horror Film Festival: Oy, My Arse
So I spent about 27 hours watching horror films over the last 4 days, and boy is my ass tired. It's amazing how much just sitting on your duff can exhaust you. I'll be following up in the next week with a detailed account of my misadventures at the fest, which was certainly an impressive 3rd year (droves of people were turned away due to space limitations). On the whole, Cube: Zero was my favorite feature, with The Silvergleam Whistle prancing away with my vote for best short -- it blew most of the competition away (although there were a few more gems in there). Keep posted for reviews/recaps of The Last Horror Movie, The Great American Snuff Film, Satan's Little Helper, and more (for my review of Toolbox Murders, which I had already seen, click HERE).

Very Unhappy Birthday to Us
My dear friend Bryan got a hold of the DVD of the slasher classic Happy Birthday to Me a few days early and cued me in to a horrifying fact: the ENTIRE SCORE has been replaced with a shitty bunch of early-80s disco/pop tunes that absolutely obliterate the creepy tone of the original. Remember the beautiful piano theme from the beginning of the film, over the simple titles and exterior winter shots of the campus? Eh-eh. Now it's a lousy (and probably Canadian) pop song called "Out of the Blue" that completely undercuts the wonderful atmosphere of the original and makes the film seem cheap and trashy, which it isn't. I guess after they announced the absolutely horrific Photoshop for Dummies cover art we really shouldn't be surprised what they might have done to the movie, but this is inexcuseable and an insult to the people involved with the film and its loyal fans. DO NOT -- I repeat, DO NOT BUY THIS DVD. Spread the word -- tell your friends, write letters, whatever. Fuck, if you want a copy of the original I'll make you one from my VHS tape -- just don't allow anyone's first experience of this classic movie be from this tacky knock-off.

NYC Horror Film Festival Kickoff!
So the kickoff party for the NYCHFF last nite at Don Hill's was a blast with an impressive queer cache: besides screening an extended preview of the upcoming gay vampire flick Dead Serious (check out my set visit HERE), there were appearances by the gender-bending band The Dead Betties and a host of homo horror film folks, including the ever-erascible Alan Rowe Kelly (I'll Bury You Tomorrow, Dead Serious), Joe Sullivan (Dead Serious), and Twisted director Seth Donsky (who has a clever short called Loopy in the fest). Aside from that, genre eye-candy abounded, including Warrington Gillette (Jason from Friday the 13th Part 2) and Brandon Johnson (from last year's feature winner, Malevolence). Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp, Satan's Playground) was a gracious and charming co-hostess (Brini Maxwell for the slasher set?) and Jeff Lieberman (Satan's Little Helper, Squirm) and Bill Lustig (Maniac, the Blue Underground DVD label) dropped by to check out the mayhem that fest heads Michael Hein and Anthony Pepe drummed up this year. Tune in later this weekend as I, strung out on coffee and Balance Bars from the corner deli, will provide you with a nerd's-eye view of the rest of the fest (check out the official site for programs and tickets).

I Saw, I Came, I Laughed
So I just got out of a screening of the new horror flick Saw that everyone has been buzzing about, and I have to say this: I have never seen such raucous laughter at a horror film in my life -- and I saw Anacondas. While the film almost redeems itself in the last scene, the performances of the real "actors" (Carey Elwes, Danny Glover, and Monica Potter) are so ridiculous that the movie teeters on the verge of absolute disaster for about 20 minutes. Oddly, genre vet Shawnee Smith (The Blob remake) and newcomer (and screenwriter) Leigh Whannell fare much better. Expect a review in the coming days -- but don't expect the disturbing film the credits are touting.

The Grudge vs. Fruit of the Loom
A quick note to let you know that I just got back from a screening of The Grudge (the Sam Raimi-produced remake), and while it pales slightly in comparison to the originals (check out my reviews of them HERE), it does feature one marked improvement: the inclusion of Roswell's Jason Behr in cotton running shorts. 45 seconds of thin fabric hugging the buns of this little genre fave is all that this bitch needed to get him through the night! I'll be posting a generally positive review in the next day or so. In the meantime, here's a little pic at the right of Jason playing gay in Victor Salva's Rites of Passage (Victor of course also helmed Jeepers Creepers and its sequel, which is certainly in the top 5 gayest horror films of all time). Oh yeah -- did I mention Buffy is in this film?

Fagoria?
If you've picked up the recent issue of Fangoria, you might note that it could be considered their Gayest Issue Ever, what with the gender-bending Seed of Chucky on the cover and a huge spread on the homo horror flick Hellbent smack in the middle, as well as several mentions of Blade III's Ryan Reynolds (who's getting married to Alanis, I know) and a DVD review of the lesbian horror flick Make a Wish (they had about the same reaction I did: check out my review HERE) . I'm thrilled to see Hellbent getting such a nice feature (it would have been nicer had they spelled writer/director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts's name right, but why be picky?), including some neat pics and details about the story. For those of you in NYC, Hellbent will finally be screening in the area at the Long Island Gay Lesbian Film Festival (I'm still looking into it, but I think Long Island is that enormous landmass between New York City and Fire Island): check out more details HERE. Hats off to the Fango fellas (and ladies) for a queer-drenched issue that threatens to put me out of business.

Halloween Goodies
Over on the Features page, I've added this year's collection of noteworthy Halloween costumes that I've culled (read: stolen) from this here inter-net (as an added treat, I've also re-posted last year's feature). In the next week or so I'll be posting some other Halloween treats, so stay tuned. Oh -- and thanks to those who have entered into the first CampBlood.org contest! We've got some folks locked in for the top prizes, but there's still a chance to win the lottery, so if you haven't given the trivia treasure hunt a try, check the post below for the kickoff clue and get sniffin'! For clues, that is. Put down the glue.

While I'm on the subject, I wanted to take the opportunity to welcome another of our new residents, Siouxshie, who now resides over on the Features page. Siouxshie loves long swims down the beach, sunsets, and feet.

Prom Night: Sloppy Seconds?
So it’s official – Prom Night is set for sequeldom. As reported by Done Deals, Sony Pictures bought the script for the sequel, which reportedly picks up where the original left off (uh… 24 years ago?), “with kids being tortured and killed during their prom”. I don’t know about you, but I smell an annoying rave guy, lots of Creed, at least one Paris Hilton reference, a cameo by a hip-hop star as a DJ, and Jamie Lee Curtis picking up 6 figures for showing her breasts. No wait – that was Julie Andrews in SOB… but you get the idea. Unless it’s cold, humorless, and Canadian, it’ll be a failure on all counts. In honor of this great news, I’ve written a review of the original (what the fuck took me so long?!), which you can enjoy HERE.

More Movie of the Week Madness
So I've added a few more MOTWs to the Movies of the Weak section, Someone's Watching Me! and Dark Night of the Scarecrow, both of which scored big points with this little dickens. You may have also noticed a few new characters lolling about on the site as of late, and I'd like to introduce the mistress of the MOTW section: her name is Misty, and she loves puppies, Anne Geddes photos, and the souls of young unbaptised children. Say hi, Misty!

Buzz to Do NYC. Again.
I’m thrilled to announce that I will be providing full coverage of the upcoming New York City Horror Film Festival, to be held in New York City (really, Buzz?) from Oct. 20-24. I went to just about everything at this fest last year, and it was a blast – this year’s lineup looks just as good, with screenings of the new Jeff Lieberman flick Satan’s Little Helper and the Tobe Hooper Toolbox Murders (read my positive – if poop-filled – review HERE), as well as Cube: Zero, The Ghouls, London Voodoo, commemorative screenings of Mad Monster Party and the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre (35mm print!), and a shitload of shorts and other events. I’ll be the guy in the Creature from the Black Lagoon costume selling Cracker Jacks outside the Tribeca Film Center fire exit. Check out the official festival site for more info!

CampBlood.org October Contest!
I’m pleased as a pig in warm shit to announce the first ever CampBlood.org Contest! Structured like a classic treasure hunt, the game goes like this: the answer to the clue below will lead you to a page somewhere within these hallowed pages of homo horror. Go to that page, locate the special contest ICON (check out the little fella at the right for a reference), and highlight the empty space directly BELOW the icon to reveal the next clue. The final clue will include an email address, which will act as the finish line. Long-time vets of the site may fare better then newbies, but it’ll be basic smarts on horror and faggotry that’ll really win you this kitty.

Speaking of kitty:
First Prize: Vintage Horror Movie Poster, CampBlood.org t-shirt, home-baked pumpkin bread
Second Prize: CampBlood.org t-shirt, kickass horror DVD, flavored condom
Third Prize: CampBlood.org t-shirt, scorn

To make things more even, First Prize will go to the first person to email the correct account with the keyword, while Second Prize will be selected at random from the next 5 entrants. Third prize will be selected from the rest. Happy hunting!

Kickoff Clue: This movie has the distinction of being the Gayest Horror Film Ever Made.

Buzz Cuts
We're thrilled to announce that our first multimedia content is now available for download and viewing pleasure. The first in what I like to call the CampBlood.org Original Ripoffs series, the Phone Bills from Hell video mash-ups pit damsels in distress against one another over our nation's trusty fiber-optic networks (the first two installments feature clips from Eyes of a Stranger and Are You in the House Alone?). For a taste of the madness, head on over to the Features page and warm up your download finger. Wait -- that didn't come out right...

The Pioneer Sallies Forth
One glance at the October calendar for the Two Boots Pioneer Theatre in Manhattan elicited a firm “Holy Shit!” from this jaded sissy: the loonies in programming have built a month of some of the sickest programming I’ve seen in years, including the new Dario Argento film (The Card Player), A full week of Douglas Buck’s unnerving and excellent Family Portraits: An American Trilogy (which features the legendary charmer Cutting Moments), a buttload of classics (The Hills Have Eyes, Evil Dead, The Corpse Grinders, Nekromantik 1&2, A Night to Dismember), and the pix de resistance, an Italian all-niter (with costume contest and free V-8 and bagels at dawn!) featuring Burial Ground, Gates of Hell, Demons, Beyond the Door 2, The Ghost, and Deep Red! I’ll be the guy with the bleeding eyes hunting for spilled Goobers in the back row.

Check out the Pioneer's official site for the goodies.

How to Make a Monster for TV
Considering the recent proliferation of made-for-television content on this here site, you’d think I’d be pickled about the new Dean Koontz-penned, Marcus Nispel-helmed, USA-funded Frankenstein pic. Sure, it’s got Parker Posey (minus her dog and her rockstar boyfriend), Vincent Perez as the monster, and the delectable Thomas Kretschmann as the doc (he played the sexiest rapist in history in The Stendahl Syndrome – granted, not a title one should be proud of), and sure I grew up reading Koontz books and actually enjoyed Nispel’s Chainsaw remake. But something just seems, well, “Mick Garris” about the whole thing, and I’m finding it hard to get excited. Please prove me wrong, USA Network! Pleeeeeeaaaaase!!

The Road to Hell is Paved with His Resumes
I went to a screening of the disappointing Robin Williams Sci-Fi thriller The Final Cut last nite (I know – masochistic, right?) and was delighted to see that Stefan Arngrim, the vogueing, mincing young incarnation of Satan from Frank LaLoggia's high-school hellfire masterpiece Fear No Evil, is alive and well and working in Canada. If you can conider working in Canada being alive, that is. Sure, his lone scene features him cornered in a dirty public toilet and sitting in a urinal, but we can’t expect him to be flouncing about in Bob Mackie-inspired gowns and raising the dead in every role, now can we?

Bloody Birthday!
I’d like to extend a big CampBlood happy birthday to the man who could arguably be considered the North Star of this twisted little homo horror constellation, Mr. Clive Barker. Writer, artist, filmmaker, and dirty sodomite, Barker has been blessing us with dark and twisted visions for decades now, and doesn’t look to be slowing down a titch. I hope that Clive will ring in his 52nd year in the way I imagine: with a cake baked into the shape of a human head and a hoarde of well-oiled hairless boys writhing about the feet of his throne. If not… there’s always Chi-Chi’s! Visit Clive’s official site for updates on what the man is up to.

CampBlood would also like to send bit wet birthday kisses to Chuckie, our faithful “Special” Correspondent (click HERE for his coverage of this year's ComicCon). Chuckie will be celebrating the special day with an extra 15 minutes of TV privileges and a Strawberry Quik with a heavy dose of lithium. .

Get Hard on DVD
Although I haven’t passed judgement on it yet, I wanted to direct your attentions to the recent DVD release of a gay serial killer flick called Hard, which involves a closeted cop investigating the murders of hustlers and call-boys. The movie’s official site looks pretty grisly (I of course mean that in the best possible way) and the DVD is available for direct purchase, if you like what you see. Watch this site for more on this faggy fright flick, including the dreaded Skullymeter…

I’ll Bury You Tomorrow – In Organic Popcorn!
If you’re in NYC, don’t forget to get your queer horror bloodrage on tomorrow nite at the Two Boots Pioneer Theater screening of Alan Rowe Kelly’s ode to funeral home mayhem, I’ll Bury You Tomorrow. What better way to ring in the best month of the year than with some gourmet pizza and necrophilia? For my review of this little-indie-that-could, click HERE, and for an interview with the delightful – and dangerous – Kelly, click HERE. For showtimes and more info on the screening, check out the Pioneer's official site.

Local Multiplex Does Good
The freaks and geeks who happened to catch the new John Waters flick A Dirty Shame last nite at 7:35 at the Union Square Regal Cinema Megaplex got an unexpected surprise: the previews weren't lousy, AND director/icon/confirmed bachelor Waters randomly appeared in the auditorium after the film to answer Q&A. I myself was utterly shocked when the little girl from the popcorn stand rushed in against the exiting crowd to tell us to sit our asses back down for a rap session with Waters, and the subsequent twenty minutes was an absolute delight as John entertained questions about sexual fetishes, David Hasselhoff, poop, and yes, his involvement in the upcoming fag-fest Seed of Chucky, which is apparently angling to knock Nightmare on Elm Street 2 off its pedestal as Gayest Horror Film Ever Made. Hats off to Waters for his continued affection for his fans and the seedier side of cinema, and to the powers that be at the multiplex for having Waters appear, not to mention for screening the NC-17 film in the first place.

Get Your Ju-On -- for Free!
The folks at Fearsmag.com are holding a giveway for tickets to a midnight screening of the new Grudge remake in NYC on October 19th! This fag will be there, believe you me. Click on this link to enter (and note how the page names call the movie "the Grunge". How cute.)

I’ll Bury You on October 6th
Ushering in the best month of the year with a bloody shriek, Alan Rowe Kelly’s I’ll Bury You Tomorrow will be playing at the Two Boots Pioneer Theatre in Manhattan on Wednesday, October 6th at 9:00pm. For a chance to see some bloody good twisted fun with a live audience and meet some of the deranged minds behind the movie, definitely get your chapped ass over to the Pioneer and park it in one of their seats. I’ll be there – and if my last encounter with Alan Rowe is any indication, I’ll be shitfaced. Just look for the guy with the beer helmet.

Zombies: Not Just in Chelsea Anymore
Here’s an odd one: a gay horror movie called Zombies (directed by Alex Dove) will be premiering in NYC on September 29th at Anthology Film Archives (most recently seen as the façade of Doc Ock’s lair in Spiderman 2). A production of Dead Guys Cinema (whose aim is to create a series of horror flicks with hot scantily-clad mens in the leading roles – yes please!!), the pic could be a hoot (check out the official site for more details on this and other releases). It could also be a total disaster – but hey, every day is a gamble, right?

I’ll be there regardless, ass-deep in Raisinets and loving life.. The flick is at 8:30 and is preceded by shorts and clips from another upcoming feature, Camp Daze, at 7.

More MOTW Fun!
Due to the unprecedented response to the Movies of the Weak section (you people are fucking zealots!), I've added a few more titles (click on the Main MOTW Page to access) as well as a few more Special Features. It looks like I'll be making this its own standalone section before too long, so thanks to all of you who wrote in with your suggestions for more titles. Christ, what have I gotten myself into...

Mission Accomplit!
So the site has officially been moved over to my new servers, and things are looking good. If you've linked to or bookmarked any of the old site pages other than the main page, please revisit the front page (www.campblood.org) and start nice and fresh, as all the pages are now on fancy new hosts. No more mysiteverizonassclownbullshit.com! It's all uphill from here, bitches....

Incoming! Site Updates!
Just a word of warning to let everyone know that I'll be moving to a new hosting service over the next few days, so there may be temporary outages here and there. Rest assured that this is a move in the right direction, as the new host will allow me to post fantastic stuff like multimedia content and other nifty shit. The site move will also be accompanied by a redesign of sorts, with a few new sections and new graphics! This fag's got goals, yo.

Made-for-TV Mayhem
I've gotten an amazing response to the new Movie of the Week feature (check out the Features page), so I thought I'd give it a mention here for those folks who may have missed it. Whether you're into Lip Gloss, Witchcraft, or Ugly Old White Men, this section will tell you everything you need to know about the golden age of hair spray and some of the career casualties that accompanied it.

Warning: this section contains gratuitous Valerie Harper references.

Resident Evil: Porklips
I don't really have the energy to write a full review of Resident Evil: Apocalypse because it has essentially sucked my will to live: suffice to say that it's absolute garbage and would be completely devoid of value were it not for one thing: this fabulous parody poster I found over at Low Culture. In this brilliant President Evil poster, GW wanders through a post-nuclear wasteland. Trust me -- it's much more entertaining than the film.

Homo Horror Encore in NYC
For those of you who missed the Dark Side program of this year's NewFest (which represented the fest's horror shorts offerings), the program has been selected for an encore screening at the Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM) this coming Sunday 9/12 at 4:30. I know some of you New York theatre fags may have missed the show the first time around because it screened during the fucking Tonys, but this time you've got nothing standing in your way. Featuring Armando Munoz's Mime After Midnight, the campy A Cemetary Love Story, and the creepy Two Story House, as well as non-genre but certainly disturbing Obedience and Expelled to Eden, the program is a nice alternative to the shlock that is currently clogging the cineplexes. For more info and to buy tickets, visit the BAM Cinematek website.

Interview with I'll Bury You Tomorrow Filmmaker Alan Rowe Kelly!
I had the distinct pleasure of sharing a few hours playing Bingo and doing horrible Olivia de Havilland impressions with Alan Rowe Kelly, one of the horror scene's real queer revolutionaries (my de Havillands were horrible, that is -- I do a much better Sylvia Sidney).

Check out the interview over on the Features page for dish on Alan's influences, thoughts on the horror community, and embarrassing history with Dark Shadows.

Final Boys Do New Mexico!
WI've been informed that two of CampBlood.org's cherished rentboys -- I mean, Final Boys -- are going to be screening together at the upcoming Southwest Gay & Lesbian Film Festival in Albuquerque, NM! Paul Etheredge-Ouzts' Hellbent will be playing at the fest on Sept. 10, and Armando Munoz's short Pervula will be opening for it! I you find yourself anywhere in the vicinity of Albuquerque (hell -- I can hardly spell it, much less find it!), definitely check this shit out -- go to the fest's site for details!

For more delicious details on these fabulous filmmakers, check out the interviews on the Features page.

The Buck Stops Here
What would Labor Day be without cookouts, barfights, and hyper-gory short films about the crumbling American family? If you're in the mood to see one of the most disturbing things in existence, head on over to the Pioneer Theatre in NYC for Douglas Buck's Family Portraits: A Trilogy of America on Monday at 7pm. A part of Shade Rupe's Subversive Sinema, the program features Buck's notorious Cutting Moments (which I saw a few years back and have yet to recover from), as well as Home and Prologue, which promise to be equally as interesting. Buck himself will be at the screenings for Q&A -- come meet the man who has shocked such provocateurs as Abel Ferrara and Gaspar Noe. Check out the Pioneer's website for details.

Drop Dead Gorgeous
The second annual Drop Dead Festival - a weekend devoted to horror in music, fashion, and other ancillary media (yeah, I just said ancillary…) - takes over the Knitting Factory in downtown Manhattan this coming weekend. Boasting a shitload of bands ranging from Psychobilly to Punk to Goth and an impressive assortment of DJs, the event will transform what is usually a wayward home for shoegazers into a 3-floor carnival of terrors. While I can't confirm any queer involvement, any event that boasts an all-nigh Ghoul Disco and features DJ Charlie the Slut must have at least a sense of humor. In addition, Michael Hein and the NYC Horror Fest will be screening 3 silent horror classics (Nosferatu, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, and Frankenstein) on Saturday from 2:30-5:30. Check out the official site for schedules and more!

A Whiff of Things to Come
Well, Buzzy here has been a busy boy, so keep your eyes peeled for some great new shit, including an interview with I'll Bury You Tomorrow's fabulous filmmaker Alan Rowe Kelly (which features puppets, booze, Olivia de Havilland impressions, and Bingo) and a special Reviews feature devoted to Made for TV Movies from the late-seventies/early-eighties! Plus, upcoming contests, coverage of the NYC Horror Film Fest, Chiller Theatre convention, and far too many other wonderful things to get into right now. So stay tuned, sickos!

Junk in My Trunk
I went to the Pioneer last nite (they should seriously name a seat after my ass at this point) for the Junk Queer Underground Film Festival, and there were some delightful surprises in the bunch. Joshua Grennell's A Nightmare on Castro Street (the only real horror short) was campier than I was expecting (uh, duh, Buzz...) but was admirably ambitious and had some seriously bizarre imagery, mostly courtesy of Squeaky Blonde (who played the story's Freddy-esque alcoholic trannie) and some rope-jumping sissies. More fun than fright, but still very enjoyable -- and Grennell is certainly one to watch (check out his website for other films). There were a few pieces that screamed "Greetings from Planet Precocia!", but others were downright insightful (particularly Operation Invert, which paralleled botulism with international warfare with gender reassignment, all under the heading of "biological terrorism"; the connections between Botox and warfare were particularly amusing). In all, this traveling program is a unique effort and definitely worth checking out if it comes to your berg (the director/creator, Devon Divine, is also a sweetheart, so be sure to say hello to him when you attend). Check out the fest's official site for more info.

God Don't Make No Junk
If you live in the New York City area and are looking for something to do in your downtime over the next few days (you know, between rallies, protests, manicures, tear-gassings, and cocktails), definitely stop by the Junk short series going on over at the Two Boots Pioneer Theatre on Wednesday at 7pm. One, because I'll be there. Two, because they're showing a delicious assortment of gay shorts, including Joshua Grannell's A Nightmare on Castro Street (check out his website for more info). Billed as a collection of gay underground films, Junk is followed by an after-party-type thing featuring an all-girl Depeche Mode coverband called Violator. Hell, with all these Republicans in town I guess any excuse for a drink is a good one...

Link it Up!
I've gotten a few requests from Viewers Like You for a banner to link to CampBlood.org from other sites, and I finally got off my pimply ass and did something about it. If you'd like to send your friends and proctologists to this site, grab my handy-dandy animated GIF banner from the Other Stuff page (it's a dusty old page that hasn't been re-designed in a while -- treat it gently). Likewise, if you're a webmaster and would like to have your banner featured on CampBlood, send it my way.

Alan Rowe Kelly: Media Darling
I wanted to give a shout-out to the talented and gregarious Alan Rowe Kelly, whose delightfully nasty flick I'll Bury You Tomorrow has been getting a whole mess of attention lately from Fangoria and the like. Kelly is working on his next project, Unhallowed Ground, which sounds like a fucked-up fairy tale (one of my favorite subs), and has been getting great press from Creature-Corner and other online horror sites. Kelly is also an actron and appears in a few more upcoming releases, Opening the Mind and the gay vampire flick Dead Serious (read my set visit story HERE). Hopefully our stars will align and I'll get Alan Rowe in my evil clutches for a juicy interview soon (I've been a total bitch about my schedule!), but in the meantime check out this intereview on RumourMachine, in which Alan shares his thoughts on being, among other things, a gender-bending horror director. Also note the fabulous photos!

The Power of 3 Will Set Us Free... Not
As is sometimes the case, the forces of evil have aligned once again to bring 3 genuinely disturbing films to the cineplex in one weekend. First we have the wretchedly bad Anacondas: The Hunt for the Vagina -- I mean, Blood Orchid, in which a group of biceps on sticks stumble around the San Diego Zoo looking for a plant and get eaten by a swarming mass of pixels. This movie is shit, people -- although I will say that I enjoyed gazing at the somewhat gorilla-like shape of Jonathan Messner in fitted shirts (and without) for 90 minutes. Second, we have the REAL anaconda of the year, as Vincent Gallo face-fucks former It-girl Chloe Sevigny for her mother to see before wringing the last of the poor girl's dignity out of her and using her to wipe his hairy, pretentious ass. It's called The Brown Bunny, which sounds like a euphamism for the turd that the film will likely be. And finally, as if these two weren't too much for our fragile minds to handle, we have the first harbinger of the apocalypse: Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies. The fact that Bob Clark (Black Christmas, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things) is behind this is less surprising than sad, and I will give a free T-shirt to anyone who can provide proof that they actually sat through the entire film without shitting him or herself out of pure existential terror.

Chuckie and Chucky
If you haven't seen the fabulous lobby displays for the upcoming campfest Seed of Chucky, you need to get out of your mother's basement and check this out. Special Correspondent Chuckie meets his namesake in this touching photo.

Just check out the disgusting tagline: "Get a Load of Chucky" -- what queen thought this shit up?!

I, Assclown
I'm going to half-apologize for completely posting the wrong date for the Two Boots Pioneer Homo Horror series. Only half because:

A) they actually happened to show Die, Faggot, Die anyway
B) I actually went and I don't think any of you showed up.

So there you have it. Now NEXT Wednesday, on the other hand, the theatre will be stuffed to capacity with horrific homos like yourselves with a hankerin' for hot homo horror. Be there, pervs.

Memoirs of a Gay-Sha
I'm thrilled to announce the unleashing of the OutFest diary of CampBlood.org's first official Final Boy, Armando Munoz. Filled with wit, crackling observations, and motel terror, Armando's film festival lodging experience even makes my own panic-shit episode look like a day at the races by comparison (read my Toolbox Murders review for that one). Head on over to the Features page for all the gory details!

Be One of Skully's Kids!
Being a grassroots website guy and all, I'm starting a CampBlood.org deputy program for any folks who enjoy the site and want to spread the word in their communities. Drop me a line and I'll get you set up with postcards, buttons, and other shit that you'll likely stuff under your bed and forget about. No, not bad porn... Be the first Skully's Kid at your local bar, childcare facility, or sex club!

Email me if you're interested!

Broadway Critics Bare their Fangs
For those of you who are cashing in your 401ks or pilfering your godchildren's college funds for the cash to zip to New York for the unleashing of the new Broadway musical Dracula, we'd like to suggest holding off. Reviews have been thus far absolutely scathing (the Manhattan Users Guide - MUG - referred to it as "lethally tedious", and the New York Times quipped, "in the public domain, no one can hear you scream"). Considering the spotty track record for horror musicals (while Phantom is a certified hit, other fare like the dubious Carrie: The Musical and the recent Dance of the Vampires didn't fare as well) and Frank Wildhorn shows, we're not terribly surprised. Here's to hoping wife Linda Eder goes back on tour to pull her hubby out of the hole from this debacle. And hey - where's that Hellraiser musical that we've been hearing about for the last decade?! Those looking to get their campire fix should opt for the recent Lost Boys DVD, which is cheaper and only slighty less gay.

More Killer Queers at the Pioneer
Those of you in New Yawk should swing by the Two Boots Pioneer Theater on Wednesday for the Homo Horror installation of their weekly Queer Fest. At least 4 of the shorts are plucked straight from the OutFest Homo Horror series, and two of them (Mime after Midnight and Pervula) come from CampBlood's first official Final Boy, the deliciously diabolical Armando Munoz. I'm personally excited to see A Nightmare on Castro Street, which is apparently an almost shot-by-shot recreation of scenes from the classic pic (yes, I also enjoyed Harware Wars). The program begins at 7.

New Jersey: "It's the meat."
Cars are in flames on the Turnpike, the Hudson River runs red with blood, and chaos runs generally rampant as the Garden State reels from the news that its governor, democrat Jim McGreevey, is -- in the words of CNN -- "a gay." We here at CampBlood.org would like to commend McGreevey for facing enormous amounts of teeth-gnashing on the part of his committees by stepping up to the plate and shaming himself and his family in front of the entire world. Seriously, although this kind of admission (which naturally came with an admission of adultery) could be viewed as detrimental to the gay community, I think that the voluntary outing of a major political figure it represents a watershed gesture and will hopefully encourage other closeted queers to follow suit. At the very least, McGreevey and his wife and child have far better chances of emotional normalcy now that he is out and honest.

But here's the real point of this posting: I SAW IT COMING! I returned from my recent visit to New Jersey with photographic evidence that NJ has gone to the cock-smokers (see the posting from 7/26). Perhaps Jim simply stopped by the Newark Airport Burger King and had hisself one of those Gay Man's Anus Burgers, and walked out a changed man? If you run into McGreevey next week at High Tea, be sure to ask him for me.

Carrie White Plugs Up Nightcrawler
Here's one right out of my nightmares, via IMDB:

Oscar-winning actress Sissy Spacek and co-star Alan Cumming have transsexual sex in a controversial new movie. In Southern Comfort - not related to Walter Hill's classic 1981 film of the same name - the 54-year-old actress plays Robert Eads, a female-to-male transsexual who falls for Lola Cola, a male-to-female transsexual, played by Cumming. Carrie star Spacek, who wears a prosthetic nose and a beard in the movie, is delighted with her new role, reports website Pagesix.Com. She says, "I'm thrilled, but it's going to be hard. I'll do the best I can. If I go down in flames, I can throw away all of my men's clothes." X-Men star Cumming, is equally enthusiastic: "It's such an amazing, tender love story, and a great challenge. We've got to do sex."

Signs, Signs, Everywhere is Signs
I know that with my recent apparent obsession with NYC-area signage, this site is dangerously close to becoming yet another "He Loves New York!" blog. But as long as stupid people keep emblazoning their thoughts in oversized text and pasting it all over the damned place for us to enjoy, I will celebrate it. Today's installation comes from the vaguely-named "New York Talent Bank", whose simple ad campaign manages to offend for two reasons:

1) They know that the answer to their question had better be "yes".
2) The question itself is horribly inappropriate, but the subsequent solicitation is simply unacceptable.

When's the last time YOUR talent placement professional offered to "fill your opening"? More importantly, do they offer benefits?

Perverts at the Pioneer
So this busy little fella just got back from the Pioneer Theatre, where Shade Rupe and Subversive Sinema held the US premier of the new flick from Scooter McCrae (Shatter Dead), Sixteen Tongues. My review will come later (after doing press day with the Open Water folks, seeing Garden State, and this cyberpunk porno gorefest, I'm understandably a wee bit out of sorts), but I wanted to drop a note for you New Yawkers to keep your dirty little ears open for what they've got going on down there at the Two Boots Pizza Compound. Aside from the Blue Mondays series (where Deathdream and Uncle Sam played a few weeks back), Subversive's series looks to be the hottest horror ticket in town -- the place was packed with local talent and horror fiends alike out to support indie horror. Shade tells me that next month's selection will be a trilogy of Douglas Buck shorts, including his notorious Cutting Moments (which is easily up there with The Country Bears as one of the most disturbing films ever made) -- check out the Pioneer's official site for details of this series and all the other great stuff they've got cookin'.

You Are What You Eat: The Single
This is odd: German death-obsessed industrial group Rammstein has released a single and video for their new single, Mein Teil, which translates to "my cock". The song is apparently based on the German gay cannibal case of last year, as seen through the main course's eyes (it boasts the chorus, "you are what you eat, and you're eating my cock"). The video is not very good but audacious enough for a watch; it features what appears to be a drag queen in a smart toupe suit eating chocolates and leading the bandmembers through a German city on leashes, hot tank-topped German twins wrestling, an angel giving a bandmember head (he later kills and eats some of her hair and feathers), and lots of mud, water, smashcuts, and screaming. Even funnier is the fact that superfags the Pet Shop Boys have done a remix on the single. Watch the video HERE.

What, No Tossed Salad?
There's nothing whatsoever horror-related about this entry, unless you consider the fact that it took place in New Jersey. This past weekend I was visiting a friend near Newark and was fortunate enough to get a snapshot of the handiwork of any one of dozens of gangs of hot turnpike trash that I ogled repeatedly during my brief stay. As you can see, the gay mainstream has hit highway culture, and hard! Extra points to the Burger King management of the Newark Airport location for either not noticing the prank or not caring enough to get off their asses and change it.

Yes, it really does say Try the Gay Mans Anus Burgers. Want fries with that?

ComicCon: Chuck Amuck
Special Correspondent Chuckie is on a fucking tear in San Diego, and I'm thinking that I may have created a monster by setting him loose with a title and a press card! His report from last nite detailed the Blade: Trinity panel and presentation, and boy did he have lots to say:

The director and Jessica Biel were there, and they played a clip where Jessica is in disguise on the subway as a mom and then when vampires attack her she totally kicks their asses. She's really hot in person and still really buff from the shoot, and seems cool. Then they played another clip where Ryan Reynolds is shirtless and chained to the floor of a cell, and there's a pomeranian in there for some reason. It turns out to be a vampire pomeranian, but it's still really strange, and the vampires show up and he uses the word "dick" like 17 times and then he kicks their asses. After the clip Ryan came out, and I'm sorry, but he is so gay.

I'm wincing as I publish this, as I'm very careful not to speculate on actors' sexualities here, but this is from the mouths of babes, folks. Besides that, Reynolds's fey fratboy shtick has been working wonders for him lately (he's gone from gay panic dorm mogul Van Wilder to the lead in Amityville in 3 notes or less), so it's really not saying much to point out his... light-loafered demeanor. Just don't bring it up to his fiancee, Alanis Morisette -- she's kick your ass.

More updates to come, including insights from the All Gay Comic Geek Party (sheesh -- and I though MY niche was narrow...), more movie panels, and trashy celebnty encounters!

Chuckie Checks In
Special Correspondent Chuckie phoned in from San Diego this morning with his first update from the mother of all geek convergences, the San Diego ComicCon. Chuckie was unfortunately too jet-lagged (read: drunk) to impart too much info (besides, the conference hasn't really kicked into gear yet), but he did pass on that Blonde Genre Deltoid Icons Sam Jones (Flash Gordon) and Marc Singer (The Beastmaster) were side-by-side signing autographs like a Tom of Finland salt-and-pepper shaker set. Chuckie managed to get Marc to sign an autograph for my cats, Humbert and Weezie (in Chuckie's words, "he looks exactly the same, only… old"), while Sam insisted on signing his New York Jets 8x10 with "Blessings, Sam Jones". Maybe he thought Chuckie looked like he needed a little saving. At any rate, our trusty 'spond will be back in touch later with more updates (I guess I owe him that damned Fruit Roll-Up...)!

More Swag Designs!
So you're more of a Final Girl than a Slut That Gets it First. Or although people think you're a Scary Ugly White Man, you're really just a Dead Horny Teenager. Now, you can advertise your easy categorizationability with the latest line of CampBlood tees! There's lots of styles for girls and boys, and purchases really do help keep this silly fagfest on the air. And really, who doesn't need an Anchorwoman in Peril ringer to wear to work on casual Fridays? Click at the right or on the links on the Main Page to hit the shop.

Comics Con Chuckie
I'm thrilled to announce that our first-ever official Special Correspondent, Chuckie (no relation to the diminuitive killer), will be sending in reports and gathering all sorts of dirt and news from this weekend's San Diego Comic Con. With horror offerings like presentations on the new Grudge remake, Open Water, Haute Tension, and lots more on the program (not to mention Mark Ryden! Yay!), there will no doubt be lots to report. I've promised Chuckie an extra Fruit Roll-Up if he can get Marc Singer to sign a Beastmaster 8x10 to my cats.

Westward Ho, Chucks!

I, 'Mobot?
Here's my advice for how to deal with the very tempting yet incredibly disappointing reality of I, Robot:

1. Buy a ticket.
2. Enjoy the Twenty and the hilarious preview for Alien vs. Predator (which garnered the biggest laugh I think I've ever heard in a theatre).
3. Watch the first 7 minutes of I, Robot for the neat graphic treatment in the credits and the opening sequence, which showcases a nude and semi-nude Will Smith working out and showering.
4. Leave the theatre and sneak into Anchorman.

The hot nekkid Fresh Prince scene is quite alarming: it comes across as one of those softcore muscle videos that shows a hot guy getting up in the morning, changing underwear 3 times, and taking a ridiculously long shower with the curtain open for no reason. Only in those videos the men don't generally eat sweet potato pie during this routine. Of course, it's still the best scene in the movie, which otherwise only deserves attention due to the potentially metaphoric presence of an army of soft-spoken, subserviant, effeminate robots who help old ladies cook and fetch handbags for big black women (jobs generally held by the gay men they resemble), who of course turn out to be evil and get the shit kicked out of them by Will Smith, re-establishing slouch-postured masculinity as the dominant force in society (I smell foreshadowing of a negative reaction to the gay mainstream). Perhaps it should have been called I, 'Mobot?

Hot Fruit
More in the camp area, I'm delighted to report that things are humming along with the Strangers with Candy movie, which has been filming for 2 weeks. If you live in New York, get your ass to the mayor's office, steal a look at those location permits, and get yerself a walk-on! The film features all the original stars in their roles (Amy Sedaris as Jerri Blank, Paul Dinello as Mr. Jellineck, Stephen Colbert -- "it's French, bitch!" -- as Mr. Noblet), and I for one am excited (excited meaning horrified) to see what these pervies will be up to when they don't have basic cable decency standards to think about (although the time dedicated to Jerri's "bacon strip" in season one is far more disgusting than just about any R-rated shit I've seen). Seasons 1 and 2 are currently available on DVD.

Let Us Now Pat Our Republican Brethren on the Backsides
For those of you who haven't heard, the proposed amendment to the Constitution that would ban gay marriage went out with a whimper today, 12 whole votes shy of the 60 it would have needed to qualify. Of particular note was the fact that 6 Republicans voted against the amendment, some vocally (including John McCain of Arizona, which I now fully intend to visit despite the fact that it seems intolerably dull). So, if you are one of the few people who likely read this site who happen to actually know a Republican, give 'em a big grabby ass-pinch for me and tell 'em thanks.

Deep Dish
In an unholy union likely to be soon followed by seas turning red with blood and Demi Moore becoming pregnant with the second coming, Brian Grazer's Imagine Entertainment (um, yes -- the Cat in the Hat people) and World of Wonder (um, yes -- the Party Monster and Eyes of Tammy Faye people) will be releasing a documentary about the porno smash Deep Throat, and its bizarre yet fascinating star, Linda Lovelace. For a great summary of the backstory on this particular nasty, check out Joe Bob Briggs' Profoundly Disturbing, a book about movies that changed public perception about what movies are (click HERE for my review of the book). I guess that with Fahrenheit 9/11 raking it in at the box office, the suits think that they might be able to bank on other documentary fare, but they're forgetting one important thing: more people hate George Bush than like blowjobs. If you can believe that. Due to the nature of some of the footage, Inside Deep Throat will be released with the much-feared NC-17 rating.

Will Ferrell in Peril?
So it's not a horror film, but this weekend's big release, Anchorman, does have a connection to the camp horror milieu. Allow me to diagram:

A) Anchorman = comedy detailing rise of feminism and decline of male-dominated television news industry.
B) "Anchorwoman in Peril" subgenre (The Seduction, The Howling, Eyes of a Stranger, Visiting Hours, The Unseen) = slasher subgenre which could have been a direct reaction to same phenomenon; therefore,
C) Anchorman = Anchorwoman?

Sure, this Will Ferrell laffer is a commentary on the whole business, while the glamorous slashers of old were born out of real macho angst (these ballsy women were being punished for their intrusion, if you ask me) - but I think it might serve as a nice companion piece to one of horror's most revered (and my favorite) trends. Plus, Paul Rudd's just hot...

Will You Be My Bratwurst, Please?
Yahoo News reported today that the tale of famed German gay cannibal Armin Meiwes, who made headlines after his "chat-n-chew" personal ad resulted in his sharing a man's penis for dinner (with its owner), is currently being adapted into a feature film by queer cult director Rosa von Praunheim. The flick and its working title, Your Heart in My Brain, have been met with some negative reactions from German grant officials (the film has received $25,000 of public funding), much to the surprise of anyone who thought that you could get away with just about anything in Germany these days. Ironically, the fact that Praunheim had already made a film called Can I Be Your Bratwurst, Please? effectively knocked a far better title out of the running.

Dubya the Geek?
As reported in today's PageSix, a drawing by sculptor Richard Serra for use by the anti-Bush group pleasevote.com has been raising a few eyebrows. I found the piece odd because the image, which depicts a naked and bloody George W. Bush biting the head off of a baby, is thematically similar the overlooked 1990 horror film Luther the Geek. Considering that the film is about the bloodthirsty semi-retarded offspring of an inbred Southern family, while Dubya is the President, I guess that's where the comparison ends. I meant to post the image here, but pleasevote.com seems to be down now (it was working a few hours ago)... I smell a Chappaquiddick!

Did Someone Order the Beefsteak?
Those of you who saw and enjoyed the first two Blade movies likely don't need much prodding to get excited for the upcoming sequel, Blade Trinity. But those who do should need no further encouragement once they see the pics of preposterously beefcaked Ryan Reynolds on the flick's official site. Am I the only person who remembers Reynolds as the fey, wimpy hero of Van Wilder, a comedy in which nearly every joke is predicated on Gay Panic? Perhaps being engaged to a woman more masculine than he is (Alanis) went to his head, or maybe he just realized that with a good set of pecs any action hero can have his macho queer cake and eat it, too… Ryan will continue to wow horror audiences with his upcoming turn in the Amityville remake (but only if he keeps wearing those wife-beaters, which would be oddly well-named in this case…).

I… Hate… Carrie… White…
I'm just weighing in on the whole Retro Prom discussion (check out the delicious Gawker for a primer -- it's under Bad Trend Alert) with a resounding "Losers!". The recent trend in NYC of hosting "hip", "trendy" and "Macked-out" 80's proms for the girls and guys who were too introverted and losery to enjoy their actual high school dances just screams for someone to douse the proceedings with buckets of fresh pig's blood. I'm not sure why such lame parties have become a trend for 20-somethings - did these people not go to college? See, when you're in school you can wear bad thrift store formalwear and puke on someone's bathroom floor wearing a tiara with dignity; when you're a 28-year-old admin at a teen fashion magazine living mostly off of your parents, it's time to hang up the tulle and focus. 10 bucks to the first promoter who runs with this idea and hosts a Retro Carrie Prom, which culminates in the entire hipster attendance being burned to skinny crisps…

The Queer Horror Movement Marches On...
After a bloody good showing at NYC's NewFest and SanFran's Frameline, a handful of queer horror flicks are headed to LA's Outfest in a few weeks. Those of you looking to catch Make a Wish (lesbian camping slasher), Hellbent (gay Halloween slasher) or a handful of shorts and classics (including the 80's pop lesbian vampire opus The Hunger and critical breakthrough queer slasher Silence of the Lambs) should head on over to the official site and snap up some tix. I'm of course not allowed to attend (we still haven't resolved the whole East Coast/West Coast thing, and another confrontation won't help matters), but I'll have my spies on the lookout for any juicy tidbits...

In the Multiplexes...
Well, horror films seem yet again to be quite hard to come by lately, although I think we're in for quite an onslaught in a few months (when much-hyped indies like Open Water and Saw, as well as bigger-budgeted fare like The Grudge, Dark Water, Ring 2 -- and any other remake of a Japanese horror movie you can come up with -- hit the screens). Unless you're in a festival-friendly town, you may have found yourself spending a lot of time browsing video stores lately for your horror fix. I can say that of the films out and coming out this week that I've seen, Spiderman 2 is a great watch and has a surprisingly strong horror undercurrent (it also has one of the most disturbing operating room scenes since Dead Ringers). Heads and tails above the other big-budget flicks out this summer, it's got heart, it's got action, and it's got James Franco lookin' all grows up. Those who have a pathological fear of seeing Alfred Molina's feet may want to avoid this one.

From Logan to Logan
Bryan Singer, probably the most bankable openly gay genre director of the day (X-Men, Apt Pupil), has been signed on to direct the remake of the classic sci-fi flick Logan's Run (oddly, the Wolverine X-Men character's "real" name is Logan). Considering the recent teen-pop explosion and oddly simultaneous mainstream queer explosion, a big-budget flick about a society that only lets you live until thirty as directed by an over-thirty homo in LA might prove interesting. Or I could be full of shit...

Believe it or Not...
Considering the two genre-knockoff big-budget flicks that came out this week, I was as surprised as anyone at how much better one was than the other. The bastardization of the very good Pitch Black, The Chronicles of Riddick, is easily one of the worst major releases in history (a big disappointment to me), while the oft-maligned and coolly received "remake" of The Stepford Wives is actually quite funny and definitely worth seeing, as long as you don't think of it as having anything whatsoever to do with the original film. As neither is a horror film, I won't be reviewing either here, but strongly encourage you to skip Riddick if you want to avoid painful Battlefield Earth flashbacks.

Ronald Reagan: Born, Feb. 1911. Died, Nov. 1974. Born, Jan. 1980. Died, Jun. 2004.
In a flagrant act of defiance aimed at those who thought he had died while in office, former President of the United States and suspected zombie Ronald Reagan died on Saturday. An actor in his earlier (previous?) life, Ron became famous for such films as Bedtime for Bonzo, How to Ignore the AIDS Crisis Without Really Trying, Arms Race 2000, and I Married a Stork. In honor of those readers who want to remember the leader of America during what could easily be considered as the most selfish era in history exactly as he was, we here at CampBlood have designed a special memorial poster that re-imagines Ron as a killer mummy that only Elvis and a wheelchair-bound Democrat can stop. Enjoy, folks -- this one's for the Gipper (click on the image for a larger pic).

Pardon Me, But Your Brains are In My Popcorn
So the first weekend of NewFest (the NYC Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans Film Fest) has wrapped up, and boy was it a hoot: I was blown away at the daring and shocking material that was programmed this year, especially considering the talk lately in the press about the "mainstreaming" of gay entertainment. I can now happily say that I watched hardcore gay pornography in a Loewe's stadium-seating theatre, where people in the audience were eating chicken fingers and hot pretzels (inlcuding shockmeister John Waters, although he abstained from the concessions). The films were bloodier and more controversial than I've ever seen at the festival, and flicks like Raspberry Reich, Shiner, and Make a Wish got some viewers heated about violence in gay films. The panel discussion on violence in queer cinema was also very interesting, and I think everyone came away well aware that we are at the brink of a huge explosion in edgy, boundary-pushing gay cinema that dares to get messy, bloody, and complicated. I'll be posting reviews of a few films in the next week, along with some other special goodies. But for now, be assured -- we're here, we're queer... and we're going to eat you!

One Busy Sissy
Alright, I realize that I've been conspicuously absent for a few days, but dagnabbit -- I'm doing it all for you! There are so many things in the works right now that my pointy little head is damn near spinning: aside from the CampBlood Exclusive set visit to the filming of Dead Serious (which will be up any day, I promise), I've got lotsa cool stuff in the pipeline, including: an exclusive interview with HellBent director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts where he spills his guts on what's being called the first gay horror film; reviews of Seattle International Film Festival shockers Undead (an Australian zombie/alien/western/comedy) and Haute Tension (a lesbianic take on the slasher genre -- and a French one, at that); coverage of the upcoming NewFest (New York GLBT Film Fest), which features several horror and thriller pics; a few additions to the ever-evolving Homo Horror Guide (it's nearing 100, folks! Party time!), and a few tricks up my sleeve as well. Just let me kick this jetlag and I swear it'll be raining blood soon!

Dead Serious: There's a Murder on the Dance Floor...
Whew! I just spent a schoolnight on the set of the gay-heavy horror film Dead Serious, which is now filming in New York. I'm brimming with lots of gooey details about the flick (perhaps best described as From Dusk 'Til Dawn meets Queer Eye for the Straight Guy), including interviews with director Joe Sullivan, producer Michael Hein, and some of the well-fanged cast, as well as some great photos and tidbits about the flick. For now I can tell you that it looks to be a bloody, queer-soaked wad of fun (not to mention a sociopolitical powderkeg!), and ask you to stop back in the next few days for a full Exclusive Feature. Thanks again to the filmmakers for keeping me up past my bedtime...

HellBent: Comin' Right Atcha!
For those of you who are dying to get your dirty little eyes on HellBent, which is being touted as the first ever gay horror movie, I've got a few festival dates for ya: the film will be screening at Frameline (San Fran) on June 26th at the Castro Theatre; OutFest (El Lay) on July 16th at the Ford Theatre (it's outdoor!); and in Philly on July 24th (venue TBA). So mark your Hello Kitty day planners and get bloody! Thanks to director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts for the heads-up!

Tony Randall: Goodbye to the Cleverest Gremlin
It's not often that I'm serious here, but it's not often that a great actor like Tony Randall comes along. Known for his impeccable comic timing, dry wit, and breakthrough characterizations of men who didn't fit the standard Hollywood ideal, Randall appeared in dozens of films and televions shows, including "Love, Sidney", where he was credited with portraying the first gay character on television, as well as the legendary "Odd Couple" series.. Horror fans will remember Tony as the voice of the Brain Gremlin in Gremlins 2, as well as the titular character in The 7 Faces of Dr. Lau. On personal note, I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Randall briefly at a party in Washington D.C., and I took my moment to tell him that I loved his work in Gremlins 2. He looked at me curiously for a moment, and starting laughing heartily, proving him to be every bit as enjoyable in person as his clever on-screen characters. We'll miss him.

Get Yer CampBlood Swag!
Ladies and ladies, the time has finally arrived: after long last, you can finally get your hands on some Official CampBlood Shit. No more bootlegs, no more hasty transactions in dark alleys -- well, maybe not as many...

At any rate, thanks to CafePress I now have a modest yet pleasing assortment of merch for sale bearing our lovely mascot Skully and some other surprises. Please help support CampBlood! And wear your queer horror sicko pervert gorehound parafanalia with pride!

Click HERE or the banner on the Main Page to check it out!

Prison-A-Go-Go!
For those of you into women-in-prison movies, here's one with a horror twist: WIP's upcoming Prison-A-Go-Go. The premise is pretty thin (well, they usually are), but at least there's mud wrestling, mutants, eviscerations, and Mary Woronov involved. Also starring Rhonda Shear and Lloyd Kaufmann, this one looks like it could be fun if they don't camp it up too much (too late): check out the trailer yourself at the official site.

Great News for 'Crack!' Addicts!
Fanstastic news, kids! The other day, the lovely and talented Melinda McDowell (she plays Sash in her brother Curt McDowell's 1975 omnisexual porno horror classic Thundercrack!) dropped me a line. She first gently chided me for referring to her as "Ho #1" in my review of the film in the Homo Horror Guide (we kissed and made up!), and then let me know that she is currently working on a balls-out DVD of the film! This is one you've gotta see, folks -- check out the official site (there are updates pending) to learn more, and definitely get yer dirty little mitts on a copy when it's out. Thanks again, Melinda!

Mosley Hits the Big Time
A huge congrats to screenwriter and CampBlood Exclusive Interview alumnus Kevin Mosley, who is prominently featured in an interview in this month's Fangoria magazine. Mosley wrote the city-folks-versus-cuntry-folks thriller Savage Island, which debuts on DVD later this month loaded with extras. Make sure to check it out, and also check out the CampBlood interview -- and remember, folks -- you saw it here first!

More Homos Get Horrified
A few months back we saw the announcement of what is being called the first gay horror film, the West Hollywood-based Hellbent. Director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts has let me know that things are swinging into full gear with the film, and we should be hearing more news soon. Keep your eyes peeled here for updates and check-ins with the filmmakers.

In related and equally fabulous news, it seems that the East Coasters are putting in their bid for an honest-to-goodness gay horror entry as well: producer Michael Hein of Moodude Films informed CampBlood that their gay-bar-meets-the-undead-apocalypse project, Dead Serious, will be rolling in May with scream queen Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) in the lead. Here's the news:

We are extremely excited to have Felissa cast in the lead role, the entire cast and crew is full of genre veterans and this will be a great project" says producer Michael J. Hein (Biohazardous). Also on board are Cinematographer Bud Gardner (The Curse) , FX Man Anthony Pepe (Satan's Little Helper), and Actor Tom Cahill (Shadow of Death, Biohazardous) DEAD SERIOUS will be shot in NYC in May and will be directed by Joe Sullivan.

And here's the synopsis:
A religious zealot and his terrorist cult take over a gay bar in New York City. Their plan is to remove the scourge of homosexuality from the planet. But little do they realize that when the natural order is tampered with, the wrath of the undead is awakened. Now a group of unlikely heroes must fight to survive the night and save the city.

I'll be watching this one closely, so check back for updates and goodies. I can just see the premiere party now, with Splash Bar turned into a giant hellpit...

I'm Back (and yes, I'm Badder than Ever)
So after two weekends of horror film festival hijinx on two coasts, your faithful homo-on-the-spot is back to share his thoughts on a slew of new and upcoming flicks (as well as a whole heap that will never see the light of day, I'm afraid). The DC Independent Film Fest was light on horror but offered a few genre pics that I'll be discussing in the coming week (including the self-proclaimed "teenage American Psycho" flick Gorno and shorts From a Red Room, Dead End, and Exit 8A), while the San Francisco Fearless Tales Genre Fest heaped on the horrors with the North American premiere of Tobe Hooper's Toolbox Murders, a screening of the uncut director's print of Jack Hill's Spider Baby (the legendary directors were on-hand to discuss their films, both of which will be enjoying positive reviews on this site as soon as I can write 'em), as well as Killer Me (very positive review forthcoming), Moonlight By the Sea, I'll Bury You Tomorrow, Slaughterhouse of the Rising Sun, and a handful of shorts, including The Underdogs (featuring Debbie Rochon), Red Lines (featuring Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley), The 17th Man, and many others. But right now this kid's exhausted, so look for a feature on the festival highlights later this week.

Mirror, Mirror
In a very sad bit of news, actor Paul Winfield died Sunday at age 62 of a heart attack. Known both for his fabulously bitchy roles (like the magic mirror in the spectacularly bad "The Charmings" TV series) as well as his portrayal of Dr. Martin Luther King (in King), Winfield appeared in Sounder, White Dog, Mike's Murder, and The Terminator, among countless others. Winfield's partner of 30 years, architect and set designer Charles Gillan, reportedly died in 2002 of a rare bone marrow disease. CampBlood sends heartfelt regrets to friends and family of this talented and prolific actor.

WWJD?
I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it ironic that Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is the first film of the year to actually kill someone. Although I'm sure it's all a bunch of spin, apparently a woman in Kansas dropped dead after watching the reportedly graphic and brutal film, which recounts the notoriously unpleasant final days in the life of Christ, a well-known African carpenter. Exactly why this lady kicked it can't really be known, I guess -- in my experience middle-aged women in the midwest aren't exactly spring chickens to begin with, if you know what I mean, so attributing her demise to a movie may be stretching it. I mean, come on -- what freaked her out so bad? Don't tell me she was surprised at the ending! "I was going to read the book, but then I figured I'd just wait for the movie..."

CampBlood Takes it On the Road
I'm pleased to announce that I'll be providing coverage of a few upcoming horror festivals and programs, and that my lazy ass will be leaving the city for a change. First off is the DC Independent Film Fest, at which I'll be covering the Scary Movies shorts program, and after that I'll be hauling it to Bachelor Land itself, San Francisco, for the Fearless Tales Genre Fest. I'm particularly stoked about this one (one, because it's in California and allows me to use the word "stoked") because they'll be showing the new Tobe Hooper Toolbox Murders remake, which I've been looking forward to for a while. After these comes the Chicago Horror Film Fest, which is sometime in April -- more on that later. So if you live in one of these hoods and are into horror, come join the fun!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back to Long Island
The unholy union of Miramax's Dimension and Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes (with a little MGM thrown in there) has finally officially purchased a script for the upcoming Amityville Horror remake. As expected, the scribe is Scott Kosar (The Texas Chainsaw remake and The Machinist), and there is as yet no director attached. Somebody wake up Margot Kidder and tell her that her comeback is waiting! Let's hope that the filmmakers realize what a piece of shit the original film was and opt for something a bit scarier...

My Bloody Valentines
I hope that all of you creeps have a fun and happy Sweetheart's day. Have a big date? How about renting Prom Night and doing Jaegermeister shots every time you see Jamie Lee Curtis's adam's apple? Looking for a perfect valentine's gift? Nothing says "I luv you" like a framed picture of Linnea Quigley and a copy of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. Those who can bear to watch the classic My Bloody Valentine knowing that it is missing up to 9 minutes of gore footage, have at it. Here's a little treat at the right: an possible image from the uncut version (shamelessly stolen from the fabulous Hysteria Lives!).

Pasty Skinny Guys in Spaaaaaaaaaace....
Alex Garland and Danny Boyle are fast becoming the hottest couple in movieland: after "breaking up" with writer-partner John Hodge after Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, and A Life Less Ordinary, Boyle dug his hooks into The Beach author Garland for the ill-fated DiCaprio film (Hodge had a hand in the adaptation), the much more successful 28 Days Later, and now, an outer-space thriller called Sunshine. Details are sparse on the project, which is said to be a re-telling of the 1953 Henri-Georges Clouzot classic The Wages of Fear, but if these two keep working together like this, people will start to talk! Hodge can likely be found at a local kit shop hawking sneakers.

The Boob that Ate America
I hope that you are all with me when I say how horrified I am at the uproar that one lone titty has caused in this great land of ours. In yet another excuse for Europe to laugh openly at us, the American Public (whoever they are) have reacted with puritanical fury seldom seen outside of made-for-PAX films over the baring of Janet Jackson's breast at the Superbowl last nite. In an effort to divert attention from the sadly past-prime cutlet of Miss Jackson (yes, I'm nasty), I thought I'd compile a list of my favorite mammorific moments from horror films. Suggestions? Email me!

Night of the Demons
Scream-queen Linnea Quigley confuses her victim and the audience alike when she sticks a tube of lipstick through her nipple. Cosmetics queens everywhere squeal in terror over the appropriation of what was surely a $3 drugstore purchase.

Beyond Re-Animator
The re-animated prison warden is a breast man, and indulges his appetite by biting off the boobie of an annoying female reporter. Juicy!

Visitor Q
Speaking of juicy -- this lady's not a MILF, she's a MILK! In Takahashi Miike's twisted ode to the broken Japanese family unit, dear ol' mom discovers after repeated beatings from her pimp son and self-administered heroin binges that she has the mammarian powers of a pregnant heifer. Showers of lactate soon follow, inciting a milk flood in the kitchen and causing one character to break out an umbrella. Now that's spilt milk to cry over!

Burial Ground
Lovable little Michael returns to mommy, who is so overjoyed that she overlooks the fact that her son is now a zombie and lets him nurse at her breast -- until he bites it off!! What's that thing about biting the gland that feeds you?

Scary Movie
In one of the most depressingly self-reflexive gags ever committed to film, human blow-up doll Carmen Electra gets her tit stabbed by the Ghostface Killa and loses her silicon implant in the process. Her stylist will be furious!

Cutting Moments
In this truly disturbing splatter short, a woman and her child-molesting husband cut off one another's privates whilst having sex with gardening implements. And you thought your sex life was sick.

He Said, She Said
Okay, this isn't a horror movie per se, but it is the funniest boob gag I think I've ever seen and frighteningly timely considering the current uproar: Sharon Stone leans in to talk to Kevin Bacon and her boob plops out of her dress, prompting her to shriek, "Oh my God my tit fell out -- I hate it when that happens!". Now she's a spokeswoman against breast cancer. Who knew?

Waters Spills His Seed
Here's an interesting tidbit: legendary gay director John Waters has been given a cameo role in the upcoming Seed of Chucky. Don Mancini, the writer of all the Chucky films thus far (and the director of the upcoming sequel) says that John is a big Chucky fan and that he has been promised the goriest death in the film, where he plays an overzealous reporter. Hmm... considering the campfest that was Bride of Chucky (complete with Alexis Arquette and a gay character), having Mancini at the helm makes Seed one to watch for '04. (Fans of Brian DePalma should also take note: the filmmakers are calling this a throwback to the sexed-up violent early work that put him on the map and have even hired Pino Donaggio (The Fan, Dressed to Kill) to score).

Rene and Debbie Hold Court
Things were well and good at the Big Apple Con today, with a few horror folks representing the sick and twisted among the throngs of just plain geeky. Rene Auberjonois was charming and soft-spoken, and was floored when I asked him to sign my Eyes of Laura Mars poster (he said that he still gets flashbacks whenever he passes Columbus Circle). He told me that he will be appearing at the Barrymore Theatre opposite Richard Dreyfuss starting in April in a play by the scripter of M*A*S*H* (in which Rene played Father Mulcahy). Over on the other side of the floor, a quiet but very friendly Debbie Rochon had a table of her wares and talked to me about a few films in the pipe, including the non-horror entry Nowhere Man (which she described as a noir about a man whose penis is cut off by his fiancee, leaving him with 24 hours to find the member and have it reattached. Call it D.O.A. meets the John Bobbitt story.). She was much prettier in person and genuinely quite sweet, which almost made me feel guilty about the trash I talk about her on this site. Somebody give her a good project, dammit! I also walked by David Carradine eating a Quarter Pounder and that damned T-shirt guy who seems to be able to be at every frikkin' show on the east coast. Watch this site for reviews of a few hard-to-find goodies I was able to snatch up, including the French Buffy-meets-5th-Element horror actioner Bloody Mallory, which boasts a drag queen sidekick.

Ginger Craps -- Directly to Video
By now all the sites are buzzing with the disappointing news that the much-anticipated Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed will be released direct-to-video in the US. Considering that the film comes out theatrically in a week in Canada and Montreal has the most lax lap-dancing laws in North America, there has never been a better time to visit our friendly neighbors to the north. Those of us States-bound will have to wait until April for the take-home version, unless a small risk-taking local venue somehow gets a hold of a print (as Cinema Village in NYC did with the original two years back).

Donaaaaaaaaald! Donaaaaaaaaaald!!!
You can bet that this fag will be screaming just that when he gets to meet the one and only Rene Auberjonois this coming Sunday at the Big Apple Comic Con in Manhattan. If you're wondering why I might be screaming someone else's name at the poor man -- or screaming at him at all, for that matter -- check out Eyes of Laura Mars, where Rene plays Faye Dunaway's homo fashion assistant and whose name she screeches out repeatedly in one of many gloriously over-the-top scenes. Also appearing at this convention are scream queenlet Debbie Rochon of Bleed and Final Examination (a repeat offender both in bad films and trashy conventions) and David Carridine (c'mon, guys. He spent all his Kill Bill money on hookers and gold.). For more info, check out the official site.