| MOVIE
TITLE |
AHT |
REVIEW
TITLE |
RATING |
9
(2009) |
|
Looks: Ten; Dance: Three. |
 |
12
Days of Terror (DVD)
(2004) |
|
Deep
Blue Me |
|
2001
Maniacs
(2005) |
|
The
South Shall Rise Again |
|
Alice,
Sweet Alice
(1976) |
|
Thank
Heaven for Little Girls |
|
Anacondas:
The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
(2004) |
|
Hot
on the Treasure Trail |
|
April
Fool's Day
(1986) |
|
Camp
Crystal Light |
|
Bad
Dreams
(1988) |
|
No!
Sleep! For Rubin! |
|
Behind
the Mask:
The Rise of Leslie Vernon
(2005) |
|
The
Serial Life |
|
Beastly
Boyz
(2006) |
|
That's
Not What They Mean When They Say "Torture Porn" |
|
Black
Christmas
(1974) |
|
There's
a Stranger in the Manger... |
|
Blade:
Trinity
(2004) |
|
The
Gay Blade |
|
Brain
Damage
(1989) |
|
Can't
Get You Out of My Head |
|
The
Brotherhood of Satan
(1971) |
|
A
Cock, in a Smock, in Shock |
|
Bubba
Ho-Tep
(2003) |
|
Watch
Me Do this with NO Elvis Puns! |
|
classic!
The Burning
(1981) |
|
Boys
Will Be Girls... |
|
classic!
Burnt Offerings
(1976) |
|
That
Not-So-Fresh Feeling |
|
Cabin
Fever
(2003) |
|
Sick
and Tired |
|
Cabin
Fever 2: Spring Fever
|
|
Sometimes
#2 Feels Better Than #1 |
|
Camp
Daze
(2005) |
|
Dazed
and Amused |
|
Catfish
(2010) |
|
Hook,
Line and Sinker |
|
The
Cave
(2005) |
|
Les
Hunks Spelunks |
|
The
Children
(1980) |
|
Why
Some Species Eat Their Young |
|
Christmas
Evil
(1980) |
|
I
Saw Mommy Porking Santa Claus |
|
City
in Panic
(1986) |
|
Cruising
2: Pretentious Boogaloo |
|
The
Covenant
(2006) |
|
Nothin'
Says Lovin' Like Somethin' from the Coven |
|
| The
Crazies (2010) |
|
The
Blue-Collar Comedy Massacre |
|
Cry_Wolf
(2005) |
|
A
Wolf in a Stuck-Up Preppy Bitch's Clothing |
|
Cursed
(2005) |
|
Rhymes
with "Worst"... |
|
classic!
Curtains
(1983) |
|
Drawn
and Quartered |
|
The
Dark Hours
(2005) |
|
Cabin
Fever, Canadian Style |
|
Damien:
Omen II
(1978) |
|
To
the Devil... A Sandwich. |
|
Darkness
(2002) |
|
This
Old Dark House |
|
Dawn
of the Dead
(2004) |
|
When
There's No More Room in Hell, Horror Films will Look Like Gatorade
Commercials. |
|
Daybreakers
(2010) |
|
Since when do vampires have to take themselves so damned seriously? |
|
classic!
Dead
and Buried (DVD) |
|
or,
"Why Not to Trust Fishermen" |
|
Dead
End
(2003) (DVD) |
|
Over
the Metaphorical River and Through the Quasirepresentational
Mythic Woods |
|
Dead
Serious
(2005) |
|
And
You Thought YOUR Local Gay Bar was Scary... |
|
classic!
Deadly
Blessing
(1981) |
|
He-She
Who Walks Behind the Rows |
|
classic!
Death
Weekend
(House By the Lake) |
|
Vicarious
Vaccaro Vacation Violence |
|
| Delta
Delta Die! (DVD) |
|
Clash
of the Tit__s |
|
| The
Descent |
|
Drop
Dead Gorges |
|
| The
Descent Part 2 |
|
How
to Fuck Up a Sequel |
|
| The
Devil's Rejects |
|
Finally,
a Film that Smells Like Dirty Hair |
|
| Dolls |
|
A
Grand Old American Cheesefest |
|
| Dominion:
A Prequel to the Exorcist |
|
God-Awful |
NONE |
| Eternal |
|
Thighs
Wide Shut |
|
| Evil
Laugh |
|
It's
Not Laughing AT You, It's Laughing IN SPITE OF You. |
|
Evils
of the Night
(DVD) |
|
Let's
Hear It for the Boys |
|
| Evilspeak |
|
Porky's
Revenge |
|
| The
Exorcism of Emily Rose |
|
Earnest
Goes to Camp |
|
classic!
Eyes
of a Stranger
(1981) |
|
The
Love Boat Drops Anchor |
|
Faceless
(DVD)
(1987) |
|
Best.
Moonlighting. Episode. Ever. |
|
classic!
The
Fan (DVD)
(1981) |
|
Bacall
Me Irresponsible |
|
Feed
(2005) |
|
Stupercize
Me |
|
Final
Exam
(1981) |
|
There's
Something About Radish... |
|
Final
Destination 3
(2006) |
|
Third
Time's a Shame |
|
Final
Examination (DVD)
(2003) |
|
Through
the Looking Ass |
|
The
Fog
(2005) |
|
Mist
Opportunity |
NONE |
The
Fourth Kind
(2009) |
|
If
you're looking for signs of intelligent sci-fi filmmaking, look
elsewhere. |
|
Freddy
vs. Jason
(2003) |
|
"We've
Finally Found the Ultimate Weapon Against Ultimate Evil. And
it's Cleavage." |
|
classic!
Friday
the 13th
(1980) |
|
Back
Before Camp was Camp |
|
classic!
Friday the 13th Part 2
(1981) |
|
His
Girl Friday |
|
Ginger
Snaps 2: Unleashed
(2004) |
|
Never
Mind the Wee-Wee Pads |
|
Ginger
Snaps Back: The Beginning
(2004) |
|
Ginger
Snaps? More Like Dump Cake. |
|
classic!
God
Told Me To (DVD)
(1976) |
|
God
Told Me To... Zhuzh It! |
|
Gothika
(2003) |
|
Tara
Reid, Your Services are Needed |
|
The
Graveyard
(aka Persecution)
(1974) |
|
Don't
Die Over Spilt Milk |
|
The
Grudge
(2004) |
|
Glossed
in Translation |
|
Halloween
II
(2009) |
|
What
I Learned from Rob Zombie's Halloween II. |
ZERO |
Halloweens
4&5
(1988 & 1989) |
|
The
Wholesaling of Michael Myers |
and
|
Hard
(1998) |
|
...to
Sit Through |
|
Haute
Tension
(2003) |
|
Men,
Women, and Parlor Tricks |
|
The
Hazing
(2004) |
|
Pledge
Wipes |
|
Hell
High
(1989) |
|
A
Teen Slasher That Is Neither Teen Nor Slasher. Discuss. |
|
Hellbent
(2004) |
|
Scream,
Queens |
|
Hellboy
(2004) |
|
Sometimes
You Feel Like a Freak, Sometimes You Don't |
|
Hide
and Seek
(2005) |
|
How
About "Hide and Suck"? |
|
The
Hills Have Eyes
(1977) |
|
...and
They're Glazing Over |
|
The
Hills Have Eyes
(2006) |
|
The
Hills Are Alive... With the Sound of Whining |
|
Homicidal
(1961) |
|
More
Like "Homocidal" |
|
Horsemen
(2009) |
|
Neeeiiiiiiiiggggghhh! |
|
Hostel
(2005) |
|
Backpack
Mountain |
|
Hostel
Part 2
(2007) |
|
Hostel
Makeover |
|
House
of the Dead
(2003) |
|
"Give
Me Liberty or Give Me Death" |
NONE |
The
House of the Devil
(2009) |
|
Worst.
Babysitting. Gig. EVER. |
|
House
of Wax
(2005) |
|
House
of Lax |
|
| The
House on Skull Mountain |
|
Worth
the Climb. |
|
The
Human Centipede: First Sequence
(2010) |
|
She's
Got Le-egs! |
|
I,
Madman
(1989) |
|
I,
Fagfan |
|
I'll
Bury You Tomorrow
(2002) |
|
A
Snowball's Chance in New Jersey |
|
In
My Skin
(2002) |
|
All
the Guilt, None of the Calories! |
|
In
the Blood
(2006) |
NO
POSTER AVAILABLE |
No
Vein Effort |
|
The
Incubus
(1981) |
|
Planned
Parenthood: The Demon Years |
|
classic!
The
Initiation
(1984) |
|
Welcome
to the Pity Party! |
|
Jennifer's
Body
(2009) |
|
Girl
Power failure |
|
Special
Feature:
Ju-On
(all of 'em!)
(2000-2004) |
|
The
Gift that Keeps On Giving |
|
classic!
Just
Before Dawn
(1981) |
|
With
a French Twist that Has to Be Seen to Be Believed! |
|
Kill
Bill (vol 1)
(2003) |
|
The
Movie So Redundant, They Made it Twice |
|
Killer
Party
(1986) |
|
The
Kentucky Fried Horror Movie |
|
The
Killing Hour
(1982) |
|
Eyes
of Lorna Mears |
|
The
Killing Kind
(1973) |
|
His
Mother, the Car |
|
King
of the Ants
(2003)
|
|
With
or Without Hillbilly Teeth |
|
Land
of the Dead
(2005)
|
|
They're
Here. They're Queer. And They're Going to Eat You. |
|
The
Last Exorcism
(2010) |
|
The
Devil is in the Details |
|
classic!
The
Last of Sheila (DVD)
(1973)
|
|
Mr.
Green, on the Poop Deck, with the Poolboy |
|
classic!
The Legacy (DVD)
(1978)
|
|
More
Like "The Crotchecy" |
|
Long
Weekend
(1978)
|
|
Hey,
Honey -- Why So Tents? |
|
Looker
(1981)
|
|
America's
Next Dropped Model |
|
The
Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
(2003 release)
|
|
The
Road to Rural California is Paved with Good Intentions |
|
Love
Me Deadly
(1973) |
|
If
you’ve ever dreamed of seeing Wonder Woman’s
Steve Travor marry a necrophiliac mouth-breather with an Electra
complex and a weakness for crocheted tops, this is the movie
for you! |
|
Love
Object
(2003)
|
|
Makin'
Love Outta Nothin' At All |
|
Make
a Wish
(2002)
|
|
I
Did. And the Movie's Still There. |
|
Marronnier
(2003)
|
|
And
You Thought Furbies Were Evil! |
|
Mortuary
(2005)
|
|
Calling
All Hooper Troopers |
|
Mother's
Day
(1980)
|
|
Make
Room for Queenie |
|
Murder-Set-Pieces
(2004)
|
|
Bei
Mir Bist Du Shame |
|
Murder
by Phone
(1982)
|
|
Dial
B for Boredom |
|
My
Little Eye
(2002)
(DVD)
|
|
Everything's
Fun and Games Until OH MY GOD!! |
|
classic!
Night
of the Creeps
(1986) |
|
Requiem
for a Queen |
|
classic!
Night
School
(1981) |
|
The
Proof is in the Porridge |
|
Night
Watch
(2004) |
|
Action-Horror
Worth Russian For |
|
classic!
A
Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
(DVD) |
|
THE
GAYEST HORROR FILM EVER MADE |
|
Nine
Lives (DVD)
(2002) |
|
Meow
meow meow meow, Meow meow meow meow, Meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow |
NONE |
The
Omen
(2006) |
|
You
Have Been Warned |
|
One
Dark Night
(1983) |
|
...One
Long, Dark, Booooring Night |
|
Open
Water
(2004) |
|
Sushi:
The Revenge |
|
Orca
(1977) |
|
Free
Willy vs. the Crusty Seamen |
|
Orphan
(2009) |
|
John
and Kate Plus Hate |
|
Otto:
Or, Up with Dead People
(2009) |
|
John
and Kate Plus Hate |
|
Pan's
Labyrinth
(2006) |
|
Simply
Amazing |
|
Paranormal
Activity
(2009) |
|
Unfortunately, the scariest thing about this movie is the couple's
taste in home furnishings. |
|
Party
Monster
(2003) |
|
From
'Richie Rich' to Kenny Kenny |
|
A
Perfect Getaway
(2009) |
|
A
Good Hike Spoiled |
|
The
Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber's)
(2004) |
|
Bring
Me the Head of Andrew Lloyd Webber |
NOT
A FUCKING ONE |
Pin
(1988) |
|
Spastic
Plastic |
|
Private
Parts
(1972) |
|
Private
Lessons |
|
classic!
Prom Night
(1980) |
|
Disco
Bloodbath |
|
classic!
The Prowler
(1981) |
|
or,
"Why We Should Kill Our Children" |
|
Repo
Men
(2009)
|
|
Keep
Your Receipt. |
|
Resident
Evil: Afterlife 3D
(2010) |
|
Deal-a-Milla |
|
The
Ring Two
(2005) |
|
Watch
Out for the Wet Spot |
|
Rogue
(2007) |
|
Rock
out with your Croc out |
|
classic!
Savage
Weekend
(1979) |
|
"Ever
Tasted It Fresh?" |
|
Saw
(2004) |
|
What
the Butler Saw |
|
Saw II
(2005) |
|
Sequel
Opportunity |
|
Scary
Movie 3
(2003) |
|
The
Shlocky Horror Minstrel Show |
NONE |
Scream
for Help
(1985) |
|
Winner
Takes It All (And Fucks It Up) |
|
Seed
of Chucky
(2004) |
|
Chucky
Gets Yucky |
|
Shaun
of the Dead
(2004) |
|
Brideshead
Re-Animated |
|
Silent
Night, Deadly Night
(1984) |
|
Santa,
Baby - Hurry Down My Chimney Tonite |
|
Skeletons
(1996) |
|
Closets
are for Skeletons, not People |
|
Slither
(2006) |
|
'Til
Slugs Do Us Part |
|
Slumber
Party Massacre II
(1987) |
|
Heavy
on the Slum, Light on the Party |
|
Snakes
on a Plane
(2006) |
|
The
Serpents, Sans Rainbow |
|
Sorority
Row
(2009) |
|
A
good slice of Pi |
|
Splice
(2010) |
|
The
genetic recipe for summer movie perfection? |
|
Suicide
Club (DVD)
(2002) |
|
Happy
No Shocking Strawberry Chaosss!!! |
|
Tamara
(2005) |
|
A
Sheep in Hooker's Clothing |
|
Ten
to Midnight (DVD)
(1983) |
|
Hot.
Cross. Buns. |
|
classic!
Terror
Train (DVD)
(1980) |
|
All
Aboard the Trannie Train! |
|
The
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(2003)
|
|
Intolerable
Cruelty: The Revenge |
|
The
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(2006)
|
|
It
Seems to Me I've Heard This Saw Before... |
|
Three...Extremes
(2005)
|
|
With
Sick You Get Eggroll |
|
Tintorera
(1977)
|
|
Fish
Tacos |
|
Toolbox
Murders
(2004)
|
|
Better
Call the Plumber! |
|
classic!
Tourist
Trap
(1979)
|
|
The
Film that Launched a Thousand Shits |
|
Tower
of Evil
(DVD) |
|
Sometimes
a Tower is Just What's in My Pants |
|
Toxic
Zombies
|
|
Bad
Weed. |
|
Trick
'r Treat (DVD)
(2009) |
|
With
all apologies to Laurie Strode, there's a new sheriff in town! |
|
classic!
Troll
2
(DVD) |
|
So
Bad, You'd Think It's Italian! |
|
classic!
Twisted
Nerve
|
|
Twisted
Nerve, Chapped Ass |
|
Undead
(2003) |
|
What's
Australian for "Berserker"? |
|
Underworld
(2003) |
|
Lycan,
but Not Lovin' |
|
classic!
Unhinged
(1982) |
|
Somebody
Call a Somnambulance!! |
|
Vamp
(1986) |
|
Jesus,
Jones! |
|
Van
Helsing
(2004) |
|
The
Loudest Nap You'll Ever Take |
|
Vanilla
(DVD)
(2006) |
|
Sweet
Dreams |
|
Venom
(2005) |
|
A
Whiter Shade of Trash |
|
War
of the Worlds
(2005) |
|
Private
Ryan's Day Out |
|
White
Dog
|
|
Two
Guys, a Girl, and James Brolin |
|
Witchboard
(1985) |
|
Two
Guys, a Girl, and James Brolin |
|
Wolf
Creek
(2005) |
|
A
Wolf in Sheep's Clothing |
|
The
Wolfman
(2010) |
|
Wolfman's
Got NARDS! |
|
Wrong
Turn
(2003) |
|
"Come
to West Virginia: America's FreakBasket" |
|
Zombieland
(2009) |
|
Like
the elusive Twinkie at its core, it's a lightweight, sugar-filled,
irresistible treat. |
|
